Its tough; getting tougher

[amy1982]

H was home for dinner then left for a nearby town to "kill a few rats". That was the excuse he gave to his employee one time when in reality he had spent 6 hr w GF.
The thing that's killing me is to know how to balance taking responsibility for my failures w/o somehow feeling responsible for the choices he's making now as a result of my failures. And yet he had involvement w/ other women before my affair...I don't know. It gets too mind boggling.I never did lie to H..in fact he knew something was up. I wanted him to be jealous of me..that would have registered to me that he valued me. Well I only found out too late