To early in the process to answer your questions but I'm broke and need help. Depending on anyone else for happiness is not healthy. Living a life full of anger, fear, and resentment is not healthy . All I can say is I'm on the right path and just knowing this puts my mind at ease
PON... I know how this feels.... I am happy to hear that you feel that alanon is helping. I sure hope I can get what I need from them too. I keep calling them, getting vm. Will keep trying.
Tx for your support and words... wfm
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
2 years ago when W and I having major issues I broke into her email. I haven't done such a thing since. Everytime issue comes up (slow PC or tonight someone hacked her email legit and emailed out) she questions me . Understandable from past history . Tonight after her email hacked she questioned my laptop being In basement 24 x 7 and on 24@7. I told her work no longer allows me to have personal PC on network . When I checked laptop she was right power savings were off. I told her that but no response . I feel the need to talk to her about these things when kids sleep. Do I let this go? I want her to feel comfortable with what I'm doing. Which is nothing wrong .
I feel that the more I explained myself it makes me look guilty but the more I hold it in I get upset.
This isn't the first time she has made comments. She brought this up in front of kids so not much I could say accept the damn truth
I feel I'm putting to much energy into this . I've done nothing wrong and she don't trust me. Last time I confronted the issue 7 months ago she said she would never trust me again
I guess my gut is telling me to let it go. Feedback
KD still struggling detaching from her texting OM if I'm going to be honest. I'll have a good few days and then she'll start it up again and it pisses me off. Maybe her outlet but this OM is the guy she basically had EA with when we separated ( she would never admit that)
I'm not sure if she doing anything wrong B. I'm not sure if this her outlet to vent and get support. Going to see what my sponsor says today.
It's been 2 months and no talk about anything. I would like to resolve our issues but she appears to have completely check out and now she paranoid I'm hacking her stuff too.
Ok spoke with alanon sponsor for 1 hour today. He thought it was absolutely redic that me and W do not have any communication. That is not a marriage at all. He layed out what my choices are.
1. leave things as is, work on myself 2. ask her what steps we could take to make M healthy again or what steps we take to end it, work on myself.
Going to continue to pray but I think I am going to do #2 tonight after kids in bed. It has been another 2 months of zero talking. I would like to try to have adult conversation with my W. Not sur where this day will take me I am leaving it in higher power. But I am certainly not going to go another 4 months of near silent treatment with W over a perceived comment.
I am going to keep conversation generic. Not bringing up OM tonight.
I can tell you this. My W is not happy. Nothing to do with me. She isn't happy being home with kids. She is dreading summer having both kids out of school. She basically can find a negative in anything. yesterday she posted a video of our kids fighting. Stupid. She just finds away to complain about anything and everything. Getting tiring for PON. Being a SAHM is a great thing for the kids, but not if you allow it to depress you and ruin your own life.
She needs to get a job and honestly she could if she wanted too. she has coverage by me and her mom but always has an excuse.
Anyways just my journaling today. I'll see where this all takes me. I feel anxiety free right now
