You drilled the hell out of the nail there on the whole "just come naturally" thing. She said while living back at the house that she feels that there should be a "flow" to things where everything just kind if works. And that in this "flow" you're not always having to change or self-analyze or anything. How you are then and there is always sufficient. Likewise, on your "just come naturally" point, she said that she felt like she was "forcing" things with us....with me. Things that I guess she just thought "should come naturally" - even after all that we have been through.
She did read books, but I feel as though a lot of them (not all) were about self-actualization and not relationship/marriage skills and realities.
I have found that in times of crisis we tend to seek out opinions, beliefs, and points of view that already comport with what we already believe. It keeps us from having to challenge ourselves. Look at my early posts - I was NOT challenging myself nor was I inwardly directed. At all. Period. Why? Because it hurts. Well, it did for me at least.
Does this happen a lot in the reconciliation process, Bond (and others?) - these "scratch landings" where things are ok then go pear-shaped all of a sudden? Will we ever get it back? Honestly, what does it take? What does it take on her end? For a fleeting instant it felt so much like we were moving in a good direction. At this point I am willing to state that it is no longer just me. I have really tried to do my part of the work.
