Not New to This Anymore

[steveh27]

All in all I think I have finally lost the anger in me about this. It wasn't helping anything except to get me through a rough patch. I would say it definitely put me behind in DB'ing and learning to move forward constructively. I will say the past couple of days have been hard because when I look at her I know she won't be around for much longer. This is yet another phase I know I am going through ... and it too will get easier - I hope.

Things I stopped doing:
- excessive housework, it wasnt working and it was obvious
- making unnecessary conversations to break the silence.
- asking her what she did today, now i ask how was your day.
- never on computer, this was a huge issue as it took time away from family.
- never text or call while at work unless about kids, which is rare.

Things I started doing:
- doing things around the house that "need" to be done. repairing things that will needed for house sale.
- trying to fill her love tank. once a day I thank her for something, it could be small but I make sure it's sincere.
- doing a lot more things with the kids besides their normal events (ie. sports) like games outside, bike rides etc.
- GAL is still tough with 3 kids and wanting to spend time with them. Will once or twice a week go do something to get out of the house for 3-4 hours though. shopping, bookstore etc.

A couple close friends have been away ... one on vacation and the other on his honeymoon, so it's been hard to get out unless by myself and that's no fun. Although this may be seen with pursuing by others on here, I kept myself busy last Fri and Sat restoring an old cedar hope chest from my W's mom who passed 2 years ago. It was in bad shape. It was all the way sanded down and was looking good before she got home on Friday. She saw it and teared up and said thank you. I could tell she was touched. I said I was going to stain it the original color and she agreed that it would look good. I spent some of Sat finishing up it looked good. Now did I do this to win brownie points and make a deposit in the love tank ... yes. But I also did this as it challenged me and needed to keep busy. She also made a comment earlier in the week that it would look good in her new place when that happened. The old me would've been like ... good luck with restoring that then and I'm not helping you move on with your life. Although, I am not really "helping" her move on - I'm not going to miss a chance at being genuinely nice. I am trying to not be a person who just thinks about himself anymore - this has not helped me in creating new friendships or nurturing current ones. And certainly didn't make any good points in my marriage.