Stuck between a rock and a hard place!

[MrBond]

"I just can't seem to wrap my head around how w feels the need to d when all Ive been saying since BD is I'll do whatever it takes to work things out!"

And that's been your problem since Day 1. You don't understand that she was living with your issues for awhile and you kept ignoring her until she decided to leave. She even wrote you a VERY long and detailed letter about it, but you seem to ignore her points in it. Just because you suddenly decide to change, doesn't mean that she wants you back after hurting her for so long.

"Why does she think things wouldn't change if we worked through them?"

Because you didn't change in the past and you didn't even listen to her.

"Why would she think I wouldn't want to change? It seems obvious to me that while she was unhappy, so was I!"

Because you didn't change in the past and you didn't even listen to her. Go back and read that message. When you were unhappy you took alot of it out on her and ignored her and both of you caused a deadly cycle that ultimately lead to this.

"All the blame is on me, why wouldn't she understand that she also played a part in how I felt and reacted ?"

Because you're not doing the same for her now. You say you do but you haven't changed. In fact, one of her biggest complaints was that you tended to do what you wanted to whenever you wanted to. AND you still show you're like that by moving in without telling her.

"Why would she choose d rather then trying to give us a second chance based on all the work Ive been doing?"

She didn't choose D initially. She gave you chance after chance, but you didn't want to listen and continued to do what you wanted to. Time to be honest with yourself here.