I wish to ask you all, should I not be angry? I don't think my feelings of anger are abnormal or un-warranted. Am I offbase by thinking my emotions are completely normal? I mean, I would think it was really weird if someone else was in the same situation as I am in, and they had no anger about it. Many of my friends and family are actually surprised I am not showing more anger towards wife, so I know I can't be extreme in my feelings. To me, it seems completely reasonable that I have some hurt and anger. How I control that is a different subject however. I do feel like I am managing my feelings better, not letting emotions control me, at least not nearly as much as they used to.
I don't have anything that comes to mind about being exposed to "ragers". I see where you were going with that, LA. I just don't think I have any poor modeling or unresolved issues from my childhood regarding anger or rage. My family and friends have always been able to have heated arguements, don't get me wrong. But, not anywhere near to the point of what I would consider rage....no, not at all.
This whole thing does sadden me, and I am hurting. It seems very unfair that my marriage has crumbled after being in the relationship for 12 years. It seems unfair that we didn't make ANY real effort to work on it. It hurts that wife has seemingly never even looked back or reached out to me in hopes of making it work. It saddens me that wife has already started to build a completely new circle of friends and is alreadying starting to build relationships with OM. It breaks my heart to feel that wife could so easily replace me. Yes, that hurts, and yes that makes me angry. Why? Because here I am with all of my hopes, dreams, plans and expectations about my life just thrown out the window. How can that NOT make someone bitter or resentful? This has been without a doubt, the most difficult, emotional thing I have ever gone through....and I still don't fully understand it.
