New and need encouragement

[Not Quitting]

Thinking I might need to give a bit more detail.

Hubby drops the bomb on Christmas Eve, says marriage been "over" for a long time. I knew we had a problem - he's always been more sociable than me and would often go drinking with his buddies but this had increased to just about every night that he wasn't working over the preceding few months. Never suspected that there was an OW in the picture until BD. Turned blind eye to the increased absences because I didn't want to admit problem in marriage.

I come from a line of "lifers" with being widowed the only reason for any married family member becoming single again. He comes from a line of broken marriages, including two previous ones himself - both short term. He has two adult children from first marriage, none from second and both his sons have now got children of their own. There is no contact with either as they don't want anything to do with him. He is in contact with 1st ex-wife through Facebook which is only way he can keep up to date with his boys.

I am willing to do whatever it takes to save my marriage because I think he is worth it. The last six months have been a living nightmare. Any friend of mine that knows the situation are all telling me to walk away, and we only have one mutual friend who has just gone through a marital breakdown himself which he had no intention of stopping so I don't consider his advice much value. I don't want to quit and have actually been told by a divorce lawyer that I'm not ready to take that step anyway, which I already knew - only saw the lawyer to check on my rights and make sure I had everything in place should worst case scenario come about. I do have a sister who went through something similar when her common-law actually moved his OW into their shared apartment - she got through it and their relationship not only survived but is stronger than before.

He has said he's going to move out more than once but then does nothing about it - don't know wether that's a good sign or just because financially we're both in a bad place. We need both salaries to cover debts. We had to move in with my father several years ago, but he was only there one or two days a week but since his long-term partner died just before Christmas, he has now moved back in full time.

H says he doesn't know what he wants, isn't sure the marriage can be saved. He says he still lives with me because he still has feelings, but I know the OW is still on the scene and neither H or the OW are doing anything to end that relationship. OW has S16, has been divorced for over 12 years and is 11 months younger than him. Basically at this point, I'm the only one 100% committed to saving the relationship, although H says he does still want to work on it.

I don't have any spare money to pay for counselling so I'm doing this on my own, with moral support from my dad and two sisters. I'm tired of the negative advice my friends seem more than willing to dispense, and really want encouragement and positive advice.