Getting Uncomfortable

[mizjjd]

But aside from the disparaging animal issues, I have had an epiphany this weekend. In the interest of full disclosure, I'll detail all events as best I can.

Friday we went to the car show and then Star Trek: Into the Darkness (which was "okay". Not quite as good as the first one I didn't think, and I found the rehash of Star Trek II The Wrath of Khan a little contrived... but overall "okay") Nice evening.

Saturday morning, I got another back rub....? H said "You rub me when I ache so I'll rub you too." !!! And the back rub turned into and idk if this was a good idea or a bad idea... it'd been 7 months... I had questions in my head, was H reaching out?, trying to reconnect? should I stop him? ...

And then off to fastfoodland I went. Came home, all was fine... except S20 dented H's pickup truck. Sigh. Its not a real bad dent, but it is indeed a dent. Now H is funny about things like this. He doesn't blow up. Leave the bathroom light on? Kaboom. Dent his truck and nada. Instead of a blow up he'll make snide remarks now and then for what seems like an eternity. Until you think "I really wish you'd just have yelled at me"

But, all things considered, it was a good day. But then. But then I had gone to bed first and by the time H got upstairs he was angry with S20. Because S20 said he wasn't going to put any more gas in the truck when he drove it to work the next day. S20's opinion was it wasn't "his fault we let the twins take the car (more gas friendly) to Cedar Point for the night" S20 says this was forcing him to have to pay more $ for gas than he should have to... it was not a reasonable argument. And trying to coast on fumes and possibly run out of gas in the truck would of course be bad for the truck.

So H was full throttle name-calling angry, and S20 was belligerent right back. And I gave up trying to sleep lol - and took on my usual role of peace keeper. H forbade S20 the use of his truck for the next day's work. This would most likely have caused S20 to lose his job and I took the position that S20 losing his job wouldn't benefit anyone and that if S20 agreed to put gas in the truck he could drive it to work.

H "didn't care" if S20 lost his job.

And H was furious with me for "siding with S20" And S20 was mad at me for insisting he pay for gas.

And Sunday, while at fastfoodland I realized what I did was wrong.

I had good intentions, but I should have stayed out of it. I realized that my "peace keeping", my diplomacy, my interfering hurts my H.

It sends him the message that he can't communicate directly with the kids. That he needs my help. It makes him feel like I am siding with the kids and its "everyone against H".

So, I have found my 180. And its gonna be really hard for me. I believe I learned this from my mom so its ingrained.

And H is still mad at me. I did apologize, but H is not one for apologies, "they're just words". And I don't blame him, because I never before saw what I was doing as wrong. So before when I would apologize I would continue doing the same thing, just trying harder to "spin" my peace keeping to sound more supportive of H. Now I know I just need to STOP and let the cards fall where they may.

Although, on times before when I have managed to keep my mouth shut H still felt betrayed, because I didn't "say anything to support him." So, that's going to be hard for me, if I don't agree with what he's saying. I am a little concerned that there might be no pleasing H on this? I don't know if I can do this... sometimes he comes up with some radical/harsh (to my mind) ideas. But I do see how my "find a middle ground" approach hurts him.

And MIL's recovery is going slow, and H is torn between wanting to be with her and wanting to be here for the twins senior year.

For those looking for an apology from their spouse... FIL has taken to drinking (new for him) and whilst drunk apologizing profusely to MIL. This after 65 years of marriage and countless A's. So there you go. It may take 40 years, but an apology might be forthcoming. Jeesh.

I may take a break from posting for a while. I'm concerned DB is becoming a big distraction for me. There are things I want to do, should do, but then when I get on here time seems to vanish. And I am worried much of my drivel is self serving...

But I doubt I'll vanish altogether. Because I want to know how things are going with my "virtual" friends

Cheers!