"Once again, the story he gave me about today doesn't make any sense. I think he's spending the day with her.

Am I wrong to be disgusted?
I wish he could see himself. I am embarrassed for him."

You're not at all wrong to be disgusted at him and embarassed for him TVS. His actions are despicable and he knows it, or else he wouldn't try to disguise them with tales of playing golf from 4 am until 11 pm. 

But the difference is that we know your formerly fabulous H has not just suddenly turned into a philandering liar, but rather, his brain is seething with confusion and fear. He CANNOT see himself. So sad. So hurtful to you. 

So maybe in addition to disgust, a bit of pity? Compassion? 

The problem is that pity and compassion may be the theory of what we are supposed to feel, but in reality, while I personally am trying to understand my H, I am NOT a big enough person to feel pity and compassion for him. But you're a better person than I am, you can do it. 

Remember I told you a couple of days ago that I'm trying to become more TVS-like? I wasn't joking smile Hang in there!