Very hard to tell, CV. S had a hard time when she dropped him off. Literally wailed for her to come inside the house. In her own words it was "excruciating"- and she was right.
I hope there will be more clarity this week. More to say, but typing on my phone.
Well folks, guess I just need some support, encouragement, advice and wisdom from those who have been here before.
XW texted today and said "I think we tried our best. I don't feel counseling will help". Guess that means she won't go after previously saying that she would.
I sorta feel like that was our one shot at trying to get backon track in this process. Feels as if she has given up completely if she won't even seek help. There is no way for me to tell if this is a setback or if she is completely checked out. It all happened so quickly.
Crimson, I have no idea what to say. I just don't.
I feel for you and BIG HUGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
M: 9 yrs T: 13 yrs H:34 Me:35, S4, D2, S 7 months Dday 11/12-PA & multiple PAs Dbing 12/12 S 1/13 7/13 H moved back in basement. 8/13 #3 born 10/13 still cheating 10/13 He moves across country, I file for D
In my opinion that has been part of the problem. She came back and "tried". I think that is what she would say she did if asked. She tried to loved together again and felt that things were not going the way she had wanted or expected (in terms of her feelings) and then abruptly left. I wrote her a few days ago trying to share that not enough time had passed for either of us to feel secure in rebuilding yet. That we need third-party help. She responded to the note by saying "it was awesome" but I guess still decided to pass on the content.
I'm really at a loss and feel like I'm tumbling back down the mountain I climbed.
" She tried to loved together again and felt that things were not going the way she had wanted or expected (in terms of her feelings) and then abruptly left."
How did she "try"? Did she read books? Did she go to workshops, etc.?
What your W doesn't seem to get is that she can't rely on herself when it was herself that got her in the hole in the first place.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
" She tried to loved together again and felt that things were not going the way she had wanted or expected (in terms of her feelings) and then abruptly left."
How did she "try"? Did she read books? Did she go to workshops, etc.?
What your W doesn't seem to get is that she can't rely on herself when it was herself that got her in the hole in the first place.
I find so strange that if my W had a problem with S3's autism or S1 was ill or the cat had fleas or she just wanted to know how to wallpaper. She would go online, buy a book, get advice or at the very least try something different. When it comes to the M, none of that, just gives up. I find that so strange!
M36 W31 S4 S2 T5 M4 BD Jan12 S July12 Recon Sep12-Nov12 ILBINILWY Jan13 OM x 2 in 2013 W wants R July 13 I start D. Jan 14. Meet GF Nov 13 Have I changed enough? Jul 14
"She would go online, buy a book, get advice or at the very least try something different. "
Not really. Things like relationships to a WAS are all about "feelings". They think it's almost unnatural to have to look for outside help for something they think should come automatically.
That's why it's not uncommon for there to be several "false starts" when it comes to recovery. It's usually not until the LBS gets fed up with their lack of trying and actually become the WAS that things start changing.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
