Well I have mixed feelings about this weekend. I turned OFF my phone so that I would not be tempted to text H out of habit. Turns out, I actually use my phone for a lot of other things aside from texting him so I had to turn it back on lol. However, I have not texted him while he was away. He did not initiate any texts towards me and I feel happy that I've had time to contemplate my own feelings, but I am also sad that he has not tried to tell me about what's going on. I guess I just have to be patient?
I decided our apartment has been depressing me every time I come home. Not sure why I felt that way, but I took this weekend alone to "update" it. Moved some furniture around to let more light in, as well as buying some decorations so that it brightens the place up. H's desk has always been a mess he has been promising to clean up. I'm a clean person and decided to just organize it for him; if he doesn't like it I suppose he can rearrange it himself. I also took some of his phone cards that he collected for the pictures and did a little craft project (not ruining the cards) so I could add another decoration to the walls. I steamed clean the floors, and scrubbed the tiles. It may sound odd but I love a good deep clean.
On Saturday, I went to IC. My therapist asked me an interesting question. "How do you feel this week compared to the rest of your year regarding your marriage?". I thought about it, and oddly enough I feel content. I never thought of it before, but our marriage was rocky this whole year, and I had secluded myself into all my school work not GAL of my own. (I think I also need a D from my school :P ) I do have moments throughout the day where I do get depressed over the situation, but other times I'm glad this whole things has happened. It really opened my eyes to what has been happening. It has also led me to get out to places where I would have never gone before. For example, I wouldn't have decorated the apartment before without H here. He has a habit of not trusting my decorative instincts, complains the whole way, and then ends up liking it at the end. This time I decided to just do it without the painstaking complaints, and go straight to the prize. I've also went to the coin-op car wash for the first time by myself. H used to wash my car, but I couldn't wait for him. My car was embarrassing, full of trash and filth. This may sound incredibly dorky, but I actually had fun experimenting with all the different settings there. I think I'll make a habit out of washing my own car. One of H complaints was also I didn't take care of my own car. H has implemented a passcode on his phone and started dressing nicer. He goes through mood swings with me of either being happy, or being angry at me when I didn't says anything. I'm starting to get a bit paranoid, what if someone else is involved, but I've decided even if it's true there's nothing I can do. Also, I'm probably being paranoid.
Things I want to start getting into the habit of doing: 1) Going to the salon twice a week ( I suck at doing nails) 2) Stick on a healthy diet 3) Go out with labmates more 4) Try a new activity (I'll have to think of this one.)
