The boys and I went to our neighbor's last night to celebrate their daughter's 21st birthday. It was really fun. I didn't think of H or the D. Even several months ago I wouldn't have felt like socializing. I was working through sadness. I realized that I no longer feel like H is missing. It's not so painful looking at other couples and families now. I also noticed that I was really engaged in conversations. Before I would act like I was listening, but inside I was really distracted by my own grief.
I believe I must finally be at acceptance in the grief cycle. I was stuck for so long in sadness so it feels good to be here. I fully expect to cycle a bit more, especially once the settlement negotiations start up again. I think that when feelings of fear are activated I start cycling again, so I'll work on that with my IC this week.
I do wonder though, since we've had a bit of a cooling off period due to my attorney switch whether H has been at all reflective. He hasn't been able to lash out at me directly or through my attorney so is the anger still stirring or has it died down? I may get the answer when my new attorney sends her offer letter this week. It is more than fair so either he'll jump at it so this will end and he'll finally have his D or he'll send a ridiculous counter-offer just to keep it going.
I'm enjoying the peace and contentment that I feel. I don't want to go backward.
