possibly (unproductive) thought #9,999,9999999999-
so- weeding just now- i wonder about the quality of - my "true love" - which existed thru a bunch of years of ratty-cold treatment (in ignorance) - but can't last thru two whole years of known cheating (probable mlc aside) -???? wtf...
THEN next thought - equally probably unproductive- soooo, maybe i just need abuse - or accept on some jerky level "being the culprit" - that i'm willing to even look at the quality of MY caring (with a critical eye) - and even consider myself "falling short"... here.
does it say something (bad) about me & my character that all of a sudden it would seem that my 2 major r seem to be me swallowing grief(abuse) and someone (h - mother) dealing it out????
can i be inviting it by just trying to be nice & flexible? (could i be that big a weiner?) ? SO- IS IT ME SENDING SOME - "step on me" message here??? one has to wonder?????
my sister tht totally pi$$es me off alot- says "people don't hear you - unless you make them bleed " (something like that- can't remember word if not bleed)
hate the sentiment- can i be the reverse? is she right? i don't like conflict either
