That must hurt. Try not to be too hard on them. It would be difficult for them to know what to do in this situation. A run is a great idea, it will work all the cobwebs out.
Yes GALbaby, it does hurt. It hurts to know that the people you called family for the last 25 years have literally just walked away from me. Not just this party, but no ringing over the last 8 months. It is though they were just waiting for this separation to happen. Twenty two people turned up for the party, while I wasn't expecting an invite, it would have been nice to receive a phone call saying you would have been welcome, but...... The run has been done, another 13kms. Funny my wedding ring is literally falling off so easily since I have lost so much weight.
ME:51 W:46 M:25 S:22, S:20 Divorced 16/9/15 BD 10/12 W left 12/12 with OW, affair confirmed Nov/12. Dark since 6/13 I"m in a new relationship since Feb 14.
I know it hurts but your W's family is her family before you. I really think they are just trying to do what they think would be best for her. Idk if she's telling them to leave you out or not but even if she wasn't, I'd still think her family wouldn't do anything that might upset her.
I've been goin dark since separation and I haven't logged in to fb for a month now. FB really brings LBS down and I know I've read a Vet saying somewhere the first GAL and detachment you can do is to go off FB. And I've realized I do so much better and enjoy GAL-ing web I don't have to worry about FB world. Plus it makes everyone think how I've been up to and I think it's a good thing for me.
Hang in there. The first few weeks after going dark is te hardest I know because I've passed the phase.
M37 H36 M8 T12 inc 3yr L-dist 7/12:H broke down 10/12:H dad D frm W4. BD soon after 1/13:H wants to leave 2/13:H gpa passed. Feels closer but H still leaving 3/13: S begins
Thanks stilllookingup, I have been thinking about getting off Facebook, but it still is an important part of my contact with friends, and I don't want to delete the family yet. Thankfully the whole family use facebook rarely. Maybe the family is just doing what they think is best for the W, but my truthful feeling is that they have simply walked away from me. The SIL a while ago, mentioned that no one contacted her ex husband at the time of separation and then divorce, so why would the W's family contact me. Way talk about kicking you where it hurts. Then when the W was staying with the SIL last holidays, the SIL printed up a lot of nasty quotes about divorcing the spouse, and put it in the W's room. I am only holding on to being nice and polite with the family while the separation is on going. If we divorce I will have no contact with the family at all.
ME:51 W:46 M:25 S:22, S:20 Divorced 16/9/15 BD 10/12 W left 12/12 with OW, affair confirmed Nov/12. Dark since 6/13 I"m in a new relationship since Feb 14.
? I don't think you should delete the family from FB at all. I have all his family members still there. What I'm suggesting is just to refrain from logging in and seeing stuff that might bring you down.
I've read somewhere on your thread about SIL printing out quotes. How did you find out she was doing that?
M37 H36 M8 T12 inc 3yr L-dist 7/12:H broke down 10/12:H dad D frm W4. BD soon after 1/13:H wants to leave 2/13:H gpa passed. Feels closer but H still leaving 3/13: S begins
My s18 lives with the SIL. Last holidays I drove my son home and went into the room that the W was staying in the week prior (we needed to get something out of the room) and the quotes were up on the wall next to the door. I didn't go searching for them, they were just out in the open, so to speak. Are you suggesting I should keep the family on Facebook, even if we get divorced? Is that so the new me can be mentioned to the W, or is it for another reason?
ME:51 W:46 M:25 S:22, S:20 Divorced 16/9/15 BD 10/12 W left 12/12 with OW, affair confirmed Nov/12. Dark since 6/13 I"m in a new relationship since Feb 14.
No no no, just as long as separated. It's up to you if you want to delete them IF you get D. I know if my H still wants D, I'm prepared to tell him I will not be friends with him. We dont have kids so thats possible.It'll be a tourure for me to stay friends for me and I know I can't do that. I haven't even thought about what to do with his family on fb. I might deactivate my account altogether.
As for your SIL - she must have all the stories about you (before DB), feel sorry for ur W and support her. But it was not your W doing it so cut the noise, ignore it. I just hope those quotes are not where your S18 can see though.
M37 H36 M8 T12 inc 3yr L-dist 7/12:H broke down 10/12:H dad D frm W4. BD soon after 1/13:H wants to leave 2/13:H gpa passed. Feels closer but H still leaving 3/13: S begins
Ok, then we agree that while still separated then ok to have the family on Facebook, but, and hopefully not, if divorced then they are gone. SIL is a very stabbing in the back type of person, I have known this for the 25 years I have known her. More than likely she is helping the W for her own agenda. The quotes were in the open for the S18 to see. More than likely he has heard and seen everything that the W, SIL and rest of family have talked about. I know, it's not good.
Originally Posted By: stilllookingup
But it was not your W doing it so cut the noise, ignore it.
That is one of the things I keep thinking about: the W was not the one who didn't invite me to the FIL party, also the W didn't put the quotes up on the wall. Therefore I cannot blame or fault the W for any of those things.
ME:51 W:46 M:25 S:22, S:20 Divorced 16/9/15 BD 10/12 W left 12/12 with OW, affair confirmed Nov/12. Dark since 6/13 I"m in a new relationship since Feb 14.
Btw you seem to really resent the fact you were not invited to FIL party or your W's family not contacting you for 8 months. Did you at least send a card to wish him happy birthday?
Forget about what your W or your in laws have or have not been doing for you and focus on you just like how a lot of people have suggested. They have their lives just like you have. If you are a loving caring person your W or anyone would love to be around, what would you do if the birthday of your FIL you care about is coming up? You would simply wish him a happy birthday, and that's it. It shouldn't matter if they invite you or not. I know it hurts and it would hurt me too but if you guys continue doing things when you guys did when you were together, that's not a "separation" don't you think?
I used to be like that from time to time. When my MIL didn't contact me after I did something nice, I would start feeling slight resentment. It always turned out she was way busy or had gotten sick or something like that. I mean I have a series of emails I need to reply to but I haven't gotten to them because I just have my hands full with my situation. They have their lives. Only because they haven't contacted you, it doesn't mean they don't think about you.
Just a thought
M37 H36 M8 T12 inc 3yr L-dist 7/12:H broke down 10/12:H dad D frm W4. BD soon after 1/13:H wants to leave 2/13:H gpa passed. Feels closer but H still leaving 3/13: S begins
HWA..you gotta let this go. That's detachment. It shouldn't matter what they do. You are not affected either way. All that matters it that you are keeping up the PMA and taking the high road and that you feel good about yourself. Feeling hurt is expected, for a short time, now its time to let it go.
