Me 8 months on, dark and trying to detach.

[hotwheelsaust]

It was fun GALbaby, but I am feeling it now and it will probably be even worse tomorrow. We did a timed session called "power elizabeth". Back tomorrow night for another freebie.

[BrightFuture]

I would also consider a reply like “I respect her wishes and want her to live the life she wants”.

[hotwheelsaust]

Thanks for the addition BrightFuture, sounds good.

[hotwheelsaust]

Nice moment last night when I rang S20, after a few minutes chatting he mentioned he was at girlfriends Auntie's for dinner. I apologised and said I will call later as it is very rude for me to keep chatting while he is visiting. He then rang me back about an hour later. Nice feel good moment. He asked about this weekend's party for the FIL 70th, and I mentioned it will be good for S20 to see his mum. Something come up about me not being there, and I mentioned I wasn't invited. This seemed to be quite a shock to him, I think he expected I just didn't want to go, rather than not being invited. Anyway the subject was stopped, by simply saying that it isn't my choice and I can accept other people's choices.
Still we started to make plans for the school holidays in 1 week's time. So looking forward to it.

* As a simple question, especially to the vets, has there been any sitch's similar to mine where the WAS simply doesn't want to communicate, see each other or even organise selling of houses, over a length of time. While it is not causing issues with me, I just wonder why the total shut down of the W. Not initiating anything, not wanting to see each other, and her not wanting to talk to anyone about the M. I really don't feel there is an A going on, but it still seems so strange, and I just don't see any similarities with anyone else here. Is it simply that some WAS just reach a spot where there is simply no chance in hell of anything being better? Do some WAS simply make a choice and keep to it?
Again it is not an issue, just simply questions I cannot ask anywhere else? Or if I have asked (marriage counsellor), they really cannot reason why she is behaving this way for so long.
I cannot even put her in the group of MLC, though an Empty Nester sounds a better group for her.

[BrightFuture]

HW, I’m not a vet, but I am/was in the situation like that. My H was living in our vacation home from December 2012 to May of this year. He didn’t communicate until April, except for one phone call on New Years and my call for his b-day in January. I saw him a few times during these months, when I went to our vacation place. He moved out of the condo both times when I was there. He also didn’t do anything about the bills, the house, the accounts until April. He was just having fun. He didn’t talk about R with anybody, and there was no A (according to our mutual friends over there.)

He initiated a D talk, but then back peddled later. He started separating the accounts, but only some of them.

Now, he is back to work in another state and he started contacting me about our joint business and recently he needed help with his computer.

I don’t know if he made his choice and just trying to be friends now, or he is trying to test the waters. Time will tell. I just need lots of patience now, and keep going on with my life.

I think you are doing good. You need to take care of yourself right now.

[hotwheelsaust]

Thanks BrightFuture, I do feel good about myself, but like you said, it is just such a unique sitch we both seem to have. She is neither a MLC or WAW, and while I can only still do the same things as per DB, it still puts a lot of my life in limbo.
Basically like yourself, all I can do at this stage of my life is show patience, and new better me (be the man only a fool would leave) and taking care of me.

[BrightFuture]

WH, I agree that our sitch’s are kind of unique. I’ve also been searching for similar sitch’s and was not able to find much. I think my H is both MLC and WAS. His MLC seems to be mild though, compared to others. He is not treating me bad, he just doesn’t communicate. But, there are still some things that make me think that he still has some MLC. All I can do now is to be patient and let him go through this on his own. He might decide to come back, but I’m not holding much hope right now. He is very stubborn. Also, I think he is not in a PA right now. I don’t know if this helps or, on the opposite, slows down my sitch. He is still looking for that perfect relationship, and until he discovers the reality, he will continue to string me along.

[hotwheelsaust]

I tend to agree with you BF. I think my W is both MLC and WAS and the MLC is mild. I also think the MLC is more about or because of the "empty nest" syndrome. The kids have left home and the W is stuck with the husband who isn't the same one she married many years ago. Like you all I can do is be patient, accept what path we both take and let her go through this on her own.
In all honesty I know that no matter how much I try to detach, I fully won't.
There will always be things you hear, that you don't want to, but are blabbed out before you get a chance to put a stop to it. The other night had a chat with another teacher, first time having coffee together. Spent many hours talking about many different subjects. Then he suddenly just said, my son saw your wife holding hands with the EA friend at the local show last week. My heart dropped, the mind starts playing different scenario's. Being two women, holding hands doesn't mean anything, being in an EA relationship it may. Whatever, I just have to keep my head high and know I cannot do anything about it anyway.

[hotwheelsaust]

A tough few moments today. All the stuff coming on Facebook from yesterday's 70th birthday for the FIL. Lovely that ALL the family was there, including friends of the W and I. No invite for me though. How quickly we are pushed aside.
Gotta keep positive. Time for a run.

[amy1982]

I feel for you. Times like this are real stretchers. But I'm confident you're growing so much thro all this. At least for me, I think I've grown more in the past 6 mo. than the previous 10 yrs.
I care about you. Have a grt wkend