Your H is confused. His actions don't match his words--he's frequently coming over and seeking you out. And, yes, he is saying that he is done b/c he's trying to convince himself of this. Maybe, he thinks, this is the key to his happiness...only he will eventually realize it is NOT.
And, the nicer you are the harder it will be for him to convince himself.
Father's day was also kind of a big deal w us. This year the kids are giving him a card & that's it. He probably will spend the day w his dad, which is good b/c this is his dad's first F.D. w/o his wife.
Yard work is good for the soul, I've decided. Take a tiny little piece of your yard at a time and conquer the weeds. It is so liberating. You actually might feel a little stronger, a little more in control, and a little more in touch w you.
Take care, Limbo. THis is NOT easy.
M- 18 T-21 S-14,11 & 10 BD 6-18-2012 (OW-EA) H moved out 11-3-2012 10-5-13 Me- I want a divorce. I want to move on w my life. 11-25-13 Jointly filed.
Hi littleGTO~ Thanks for stopping in. I just cannot figure out which end is up in this whole situation. Thanks for your input. I just feel like everything I see or feel lately is wrong. I really am working on being nice to him. What I really feel like doing is smacking him til his teeth rattle...How do I know if I am being too nice to him??
Do you know what is weird? I feel kind of guilty about Fathers Day. After everything H as done and I have guilt. What is wrong with me?? H was always such a good dad and he deserved a really good day and he looked forward to it. And after what H said earlier tonight I know he is kinda sad about it.
I am looking forward to getting my frustrations out on the weeds. I like your idea of doing it a little piece at time. And hoping it gives me some strength and control. I like that thought very much. Thank you
I hope things are going well in your sitch. Take care littleGTO and thanks for being here!
Limbo, I’m kind of on the same boat right now. After a long silence my H started contacting me again. It is mostly for business, but I feel that he uses it as an excuse. I thought that I was moving on with my life, but now I’m confused again. H is separating some of the joint accounts, but at the same time wants to have the same computer software (WTH?) and wants me to help him with his computer. I decided that I’m going to be nice until I don’t feel it anymore. Your H’s behavior resembles some of the behavior of my H last year, after the BD. I’ve learnt later that this was because my H was not decided 100% about what he was doing. Your H sounds this way too.
The only advice I can give you is do not be too available to him. I think that Father’s day should be scaled down. Let the kids do things for him, if they feel like it. I would just acknowledge him, but would not do anything special. Let him feel the consequences of his decisions.
M:50 H:52 S28 (my S from previous marriage) M:17 + 3 BD: 06/12 S: 06/12 - H works in another state
Have a nice weekend Limbo. I agree with Bright about Father's Day. Your kids are old enough to decide what they want to do about it. I decided to tell my H Happy Fathers Day, but to not even get him a card.
Hi everyone. Having some really hard times right now. I am just such a mess. I worked in the yard most of the day. Didn't really make a dent. H spent the evening with JW and I am sure will spend the weekend with her. I am just so confused and hurting. Just when I think I am making some progress I just fall right back down. I just feel so worthless and if H really wanted to be with me he would never have went looking for JW. And now H is "happy." I am just sick of feeling this way. I am pathetic waiting for his scraps.
I am so sorry to be like this. I thought maybe if I got some of this out it would let me have some peace or breathing room or something. I hate feeling sorry for myself. This is so hard and I feel so alone. I hate him so much right now this second. But I know it won't last. I am just rambling like a crazy woman. What if H never gets thru this?? Going to go do a lot more praying. Thank you all for listening.
Limbo, I think you're doing a great job. You're taking the high road and giving him love and respect especially when he doesn't deserve it. Stay strong and I'm praying your love for him will be seen in the end and that he'll come back to you.
Hi Blue. Thanks for the kind words. Been keeping busy in the yard and doing lots of praying. Now I am sunburned and sore so that that will keep my mind occupied in a different direction for awhile
How are you feeling today?? I hope you are having a good day.
Limbo, your sitch is fairly new, so it is understandable that you are having these intense feelings.
Your H doesn’t know what he is doing right now. I don’t think he is happy. It must be very confusing to him as well. One day he feels that he needs to go to JW, and another day he wants your support when he is sick.
Think about it this way. Your H spending time with JW is bringing him closer to the reality. More time he spends with her, more things will come out. It cannot all be all shiny all the time for them. You need to be the safe harbor for him when the things start going sour with JW, and they will. You need to stay calm and positive, and no drama. Just pretend that you had an awakening and now is completely happy with your life.
Where is your son? Does he live with you, or he comes to visit? I know that your daughter is angry with her Dad, but what about your son?
M:50 H:52 S28 (my S from previous marriage) M:17 + 3 BD: 06/12 S: 06/12 - H works in another state
Thanks Bright. I never thought of it that way. I know h has been spending lots of time this last week with JW. It just upsets me so much that H is actually looking for support from her. But you are absolutely right...I need to be drama free. I have really been trying to be as nice as I can be and listen to H when he is here. I can't tell you the comfort you gave me with your advice. Thank you so much my friend. Do you want to know something crazy that H just did?? I know H is with JW right now. H has been texting me the last half hour or so pretty much looking for support and encouragement because H says he is so stressed out and that is why he has been sick. What??? Why not ask JW for help since you are there?? I have been so worried that H is getting everything he needs from JW as far as emotional support and such. So do you think maybe H isn't get everything he is looking for from JW??
Both son and daughter still live at home. My son is sort of torn on where he stands with H. He was so very close with H and they had a really good relationship. My son knows exactly how his sister feels about H and he can see how much I am hurting and what H has done. I feel bad for my son because he feels like he needs to be loyal to his sister and protect my feelings. I told him that he needs to act how he feels and whatever he chooses is fine. That no matter what H will always be his dad and that he loves him. The worst part is that I know my son has lost ALL respect for his dad and that is soo sad. I don' t care how old your kids are they are still hurt so much.
Good luck with your yard work. I am done for today. Thanks again for the eye opener. It really helped. Have a good night!
