I know how hard this is when in laws swallow the story that H's provide them.
Time will tell.
And if not, well then we will be better off out of a circumstance with people who could be so gullible as to believe families would be better broken up.
STBX and I went to court the other day. Just a standard pretrial appt. but it was very sad. I cried the entire time we were there. I am not going to judge myself for crying.
I was proud of myself because that morning I looked at the address of the court quickly and thought it was in Manhattan instead of brooklyn. I went to Manhattan and then realized I was supposed to be in brooklyn. The old me would have freaked out and panicked that I was in the wrong place but the new me just took my time and got on the subway and got to where I was supposed to be. I even joked to my dad/lawyer about going to the wrong place.
I found out at the hearing that my H has paid $50,000 in legal fees thus far. That is so insane. My father thinks his lawyer is not only a money hungry con man but also is incompetent. My father keeps saying its not like he hired Johnny Cockran for 50000..
But spending money like this on someone thats clearly a con man is part of my STBX disease. My H thinks because he is spending big bucks he is getting the best but the irony is he is spending big bucks and getting the worst.
My H blames me for how much this is costing him becuase if I would just stop fighting and settle it wouldn't cost him anything but in the mean time he doesnt want to give me what I am legally entitled to.
At court the judge and baliff insisted I sit down because I was in tears while my H stood. I think the judge was trying to make my STBX feel bad, but I doubt my H felt anything.
---- M 39 H 35 D5,D4 M 4 T 9 ILYBNILWY 5/18/11 Left 7/11/11 Divorced 12/1/13
B, You've come a long way! You've developed self confidence and look how you reacted to the error in which area you where suppose to be. That's wonderful!
I would venture to say that your h is the reason his lawyer fees are so high. He's not listening to anything his lawyer is telling him and yes, his lawyer knows a fool when he sees one. After all, they see plenty of them every day and know which ones are dumb enough to continue jerking spouses around.
He needs a mirror because I would bet he's the one that's dragging this out and not wanting to cooperate w/you. Too bad, it is what it is and he's going to face the consequences of his actions.
I'm sorry you were emotional, but that's okay. The judge and baliff were able to see that our h's empathy chip was broken. It's all about him.
I hope the weekend is better for you.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
So Friday night, H is supposed to pick up the girls. He emails me earlier in the week saying the babysitter is going to pick up the girls and bring them to his place because he will be at work.
Cut to friday night, Girls dont want to leave with Babysitter when they know Mommy is home. So I call STBX and say hey maybe can you come pick them up after work even if its past their bed time because I dont want to get the kids upset. He seemed hesitate so I said why dont you think about it and call me back.
He calls back and says that he would be okay with picking them up later but he just doesn't want it to become a thing where they whine and get their way. He also tells me that I was the one that insisted on a schedule he wants to co-parent with no schedule. I say that I have been very accomadating to his schedule and if he had asked me to have the girls until 8:30 or 9. I would have been okay with that.
I also say the girls are only 3 & 4 of course they are going to cry when they leave home. He restated that they have to get used to leaving and this is what I wanted meaning a schedule.
I was getting a little hot under the collar and then said that I would have to talk to him later. And I was rash and almost hung up on him. I sent him a text saying sorry for cutting him off but I didnt want to have an upsetting conversation with him in front of the kids. STBX did not reply. He never replies to anything that is uncomfortable.
Today I am working. STBX has kids for the weekend. Today was the day of our block party. I didnt tell the girls about it because I knew STBX would not want to go. I had mentioned it in a email a few ago that the block party was this weekend but I wouldnt mention it to the girls.
The girls have heard murmurings from the kids on the block that the party was today and apparently they remembered. I hear from STBX that the babysitter is taking them to the block party this afternoon.
STBX doesnt go. He lets babysitter take them. They were probably crying and upset and were begging to go but H wont show his face on our block - he is too ashamed.
Sometimes I am so angry that my kids Dad is such a jerk. How can he feel good about himself as a father? I guess he doesnt. Everytime I see him he looks miserable.
---- M 39 H 35 D5,D4 M 4 T 9 ILYBNILWY 5/18/11 Left 7/11/11 Divorced 12/1/13
I have been kind of freaking out on myself. I am angry that I come to these boards so much.
I know everytime I come here in some way I am wishing he will come home.
Why can't I move on from him? Why am I not happy that I am done with this nut job?
I feel pathetic. So many people I met tell me how great divorce is, why don't I think it's great.
Why do I fantasize about my happy family. It was a fantasy a dream a wish it was not reality. He was not happy. I desperately want to move on but damn it I want him back so bad!
---- M 39 H 35 D5,D4 M 4 T 9 ILYBNILWY 5/18/11 Left 7/11/11 Divorced 12/1/13
Mmy heart really goes out to you. It seems crazy to have these feelings for someone who has behaved as they have done and continue to do But we loved them for a long time, and they are the other parent of our much loved children
It isn't easy to 'move on' emotionally and you do not need to feel bad that you aren't able to. Honour your feelings. There are two main schools of thought one is that our feelings lag reality, the other is that we sense that actually they are not currently their true selves, and that this is an illness that we might want to try and wait out.
Anyway, sorry you feel that way but it is normal. It is only in the world of soap and beach novels apart from MLC!) that there is a sense of off with the old and on with the new
"Why can't I move on from him?" "Why do I fantasize about my happy family?"
Maybe - and I'm guessing here - that when you got married, you believed it would be forever. That when you brought children into this world, you expected to be a H and father for the rest of your lives.
That doesn't make you pathetic. Not by a long shot.
I would question anyone that claims that divorce is "so great".
Sorry you're down, but I know that you'll be back up. I know it.
Stay strong for those precious girls
Bomb January 2012 - doesn't feel the same about me
~ "There is nothing love cannot face; there is no limit to its faith, hope, and endurance."
