Clear goals and a vision for the future

[Lyrael]

I know personally, I have been guilty of accusing Sting of living the life of Reilly while I run around like a crazy person trying to keep everything together. After all, you don’t see HIM trying to find 350 bucks for extended Gymboree music classes, do you? Or last night, when S was up about a zillion times…where was Sting? Sound asleep in his bed, far away from the turmoil happening in our house. And the clincher…we can’t attack them for it. In the past when he pissed me off at least had the outlet of screaming and ranting and fish-eating. And now? I just have to smile and deal with it.

You're right. Everything you wrote in that paragraph is exactly how I feel.

I was standing there, Saturday afternoon, rehashing to her all the reasons that Sting had pissed me off, and the ways the sitch pissed me off and just one of those rip-him-another-one venting sessions. She says…

“Pick a day, any day and get over it.”

Gee, can we get this put on a plaque?

Harsh, huh? Not really. She gave me a pretty decent formula to work from. Anything that you do for your LBS, do twice for yourself. I’m sure I’m getting a lot of “huh’s” right about now because that is exactly what I said to her. HUH?

So, here are A’s rules for DB Resentment:

If you are changing for anyone but yourself, don’t bother with the change.

If you ARE changing for yourself, there won’t be a price tag attached for someone else to pay.

If you feel that you can’t handle all that is on your plate, clear some off into the garbage disposal.

If there is something that you truly cannot handle (CANNOT, not not-willing!), get help.

If the WAS does not help you, find someone that will. Friends, family, baby-sitter, etc.

If you feel resentment for the WAS, you’re doing too much for them and not enough for you.

If you always prepare for a life completely on your own, you’ll rarely wind up disappointed.

If you quit assigning obligations to others, you won’t be resentful when they don’t follow through

Where the heck did A come from, the top of the guru mountain? Where the heck did she learn all this stuff? Mer, this post is EXACTLY what I needed to hear today. The really crappy stuff started when I quit focusing on myself - setting goals for myself, doing what needed to be done each day. For whatever reason, he is just not at a point where he is able to share the responsibilities that I (emphasis on I ) feel we should be sharing.

Here is what I have to do tonight:
1) Go get bunches of OTC items for S: soft kleenexes, kid's Dimetapp, dye-free Motrin, etc.
2) Figure out if we really need some laundry done bad enough to put S through having to go to the laundromat (we are kind of saving up for a new washer and dryer now). I think we at least need sheets and towels done in case S starts throwing up again.
3) Decide if I want to go to my office and pick up work or just concentrate on home right now.
4) Pick up enough that the mess is not making me distracted and irritable.
5) Go to bed EARLY so I am not a shrew tomorrow morning.
6) Be gracefully together when H comes home (if a little drowsy). Try to stay away from contacting him a bunch tonight, mostly for my own sanity. I love him, and I do very much want to learn how to be peacefully marriedto him - I love being his wife when things are peaceful, and I think I know how to make them that way!
Thank you, thank you, Mer and Bets (and Guru A!) for the insight. It was ABSOLUTELY dead-on.
HUGE HUGS and thank you for not letting me slink away defeated,
Myrrh