No real updates I guess. They (xw and S) get back in town late this afternoon. It's been since Monday that I have heard my son's voice. After being with him for almost three straight months, that feels like and eternity.
I am embarrassed to say that my level of anxiety is up a little bit this morning. It's probably from all of the speculation I am doing, which I know is not good - but I am trying to control by staying busy.
I guess the root of it is that it happened so quickly.....meaning she packed up everything on Monday and flew out on Tuesday and we haven't said anything about it since then. I have no idea if she wants to be "done" (I asked, you never answered) or if we are working on things still - just from our own homes. No clue. And I know it shouldn't bother me either way - I know I should just carry on and move forward. And I will. Regardless. I just feel as though I am in a limbo state.
What's worse, I fear that this whole trip has been one meeting after another with her friends and parents - all of which I fear are telling her to just be done with our R. As I said, I am ashamed of myself for having these feelings and not being much stronger than I am right now. I guess I am just having a bit of a low moment right now.
Hell, tomorrow is Father's Day and if you would have told me a week ago that I would not be spending it as a family I would have thought you were crazy. Mother's Day was such a pleasant time for all of us.
I know I cannot control her or her feelings and actions - and I'm not going to try. I can just have hope that this is just a bump along the road to reconciliation that we will be able to survive. I really love my family and have enjoyed the last few months, despite the challenges and occasional awkwardness.
