I so feel for you. I was on vacation with my H last month and he was emotionally not there as well. Although he didn't text OW like your H does, he called her secretly. It was easier to enjoy myself on days when I was on my own instead of dealing with his apathy, angry outbursts and 'whatever, you decide' attitude. On the 2nd last day, I finally caved in and told him (calmly and lovingly) that his attitude was hurting me, and asked that he treat me with more respect. It seemed to work for me because he was nice and attentive for the next few days. Now, he's depressed and miserable but that's another story.

So hang in there! When you feel like you're about to confront him, go for a swim or walk on your own. Don't lash out with anger. I'm sure the vets will come by with advice on boundary setting soon.

Me: 37
H: 41
M: 7, T: 11
15 Mar 2013: BD
18 Mar 2013: Discovered OW (inappropriate friendship)
5 Apr 2013: Retrouvaille Weekend
23 May 2013: Discovered EA
Status: H still at home but more withdrawn