Dazed, Thanks so much for the hugs! As for clear planning, I can't speak for the other ladies, but I've found that having specific goals and a plan for achieving them is the surest way for me to be successful in my dbing. It also helps (because I tend to be overwhelmed by emotion) to have the calm guidance of people more experienced at this than me (Betsey, Mer, PamC) and people who are at different points in their own journeys (CBH, Pattie). They all have wonderful things to teach me, and being a participant in this site has changed my life.
As for the chicken, it was just something that occured to me when I was really angry on the phone one night. Mine happens to be a rather durable plush pet (yeah, I know, but they are sturdier!) toy from the dollar store. His outside is terry cloth, so I can't pull out his fur, and his wings and beak are VERY firmly attached. I'm glad he amused you guys. Me finding myself abusing a stuffed chicken in the middle of a telephone convo is also meant to make me laugh at myself and find the humor in my sitch.
The funny thing about Betsey's communication plan is that, since I've had it, I haven't need it! I know that if I have a problem, my H and I have a lunch date Monday when I am allowed to address my concerns in the way that's outlined above. But strangely enough, I haven't felt that bad about what's going on between my H and I. The process of thinking about what questions I want to ask him has allowed me to reinterpret the sitches/behaviors I was having difficulty with, and view them in a more compassionate and tolerant way.
Of course, my husband is really NOT acting like an alien. One of the things I've found out through all my dbing is that he is a really caring and loving guy, if I let him be. He is very receptive to cheerleading (aka Bob), one of Michele's strategies crossed with a Mer and Betsey approach. One of the biggest problems in our M was the fact that all I ever did was rip him down. I didn't do that because I was just a mean or bad person; I did it because I didn't know how to be supportive and consistently loving (that's a product of my childhood). But I am learning, and the best part of this is, the farther I get on working on my own issues, the better I feel about myself, and the happier I am about my life in general.
Wow, I didn't mean for that to be so long, but the PMA is waaaaaaaaay up today in my little corner of the BB.
Hugs to all! Myrrh
One moment of patience may ward off great disaster. One moment of impatience may ruin a whole life.
