oh NLT, it must be so frustrating to have your H moving into his own home and insisting that this is HIS time on the one hand, and being up your butt with the phone calls, taking out the garbage and visits on the other LOL!

One of the posts Wonka, Cadet and Snodderly found was a list of validating statements. I copied it on my phone, as I have so much trouble with anything more complicated than "I'm sorry you feel like that!" Here are a few of them:
  • If H talks, just listen. Keep your questions impersonal.
  • "Sorry I interrupted you, I value what you have to say, please continue."
  • "You may be right."
  • For surprising information: "Wow, you think (my computer time was detrimental to the kids)?"
  • For new info: "Gosh, I didn't realize you thought (I was neglecting the family)."
  • "I hadn't thought of it that way"
  • "I can see how it would feel that way"
  • "I do care. Tell me more about what you're going through"
  • "I am gonna have to think about that a little more"
  • "Hmmm, so you are saying xxx. Let me think about that"
  • "I can see you're really serious about this"
  • "I see this is important to you"
  • "I'd like to respond to you when I'm feeling a little less
  • emotional about this"
  • "I understand why you might feel that way"
  • "Gee, I'm so sorry that made you feel unloved. I never stopped loving you, but I guess I didn't express myself well enough."
  • "Gee, it must have felt terrible to think that"
  • "I am sorry that you feel that way"
  • "I appreciate you being so open and honest with me"
  • Try and use "Would, will" statements. Do not say "should, could" if you can!!
  • "Wow, that's a lot to deal with"
  • "That sounds discouraging"
  • "That sounds like it would really hurt"
  • "It sounds like you are really feeling xxxxx"
  • "It sounds like xxxxx is really important to you"
  • "I can see that you are really upset"
  • "Would you like to talk about it"
  • "That really bothered you, didn't it?"
  • "How did you feel when xxxxxx?"
  • "What bothers you the most about it"
  • "What would help you feel better"
  • "I can see you are really uncomfortable about this"
  • "I can understand why you would be upset"
  • "So, you really felt insulted (or whatever emotion), is that it"[/*]