LOL, H's grasp of the whole social media world can be entertaining.
Some random person photographed my son and another boy on the trip. This other boy is a little awkward... and this is what S162 had to say. Awkward boy (AB) took to following my S everywhere. Then he took to copying my son ie if my son wore a white shirt AB wore a white shirt. My son "pops" his collar? AB "pops" as well. Now, you have to understand my boy is a bit of a clown, and has great appreciation of "irony". So, this sweet child, who runs across parking lots to help old people enter stores, goes to the nursing home on Sundays to help the residents go to church, is the most helpful of all 4 children, thinks getting a t-shirt that says "Nice story Babe, now make me a sandwich" would be hilarious. Because he says, "Its ME! LOL! Like I am ever like that!" And, he got himself a snazzy fedora as well. And mirrored sunglasses. And a "pimpin" tattoo (henna, but boy it does look real lol) on his arm.
And you know AB... well you know he did all that too lol. (Like S162 MUST ALWAYS HAVE A TWIN!! But my boys don't dress alike, they never have.)
So there is my S and AB side by side, rockin the hats, the shades, the tats, and the chauvinist t-shirts, and someone snaps a photo and puts it on Tumbler. And it goes mildly viral, over 25,000 shares/reposts.
Now the part you will all appreciate is that H heard about this from a co-worker who has a son who is a friend of S162. And H knows this. Well, he knew it a month ago. But he didn't know it yesterday when the man said "hey have you seen that photo of your son"? No, yesterday when the man asked H about S162 H had no idea how the man would know S162, it was all a big mystery to him. Over dinner I explained the connection to H, who was so slow to "get" it that S20 asked him if he was being deliberately obtuse.
Not much new to report. H is texting madly with his sister these days. She is the one who he was trading abuse stories with. She is supposed to go visit MIL today. Be interesting to see if she can do this without getting in a fight with FIL. Because of course she wants acknowledgement and an apology. Not likely to happen, I don't think. And H doesn't understand her stance, why she can't just forget it. I try to stay out of it, just listen.
Originally Posted By: LindaM
Mz. Jay if your H said "What is wrong with you!! You have a problem!!" NOW during a discussion about the morality of affairs, it would just be his scrambled egg MLC brain speaking. If he said that AFTER popping out of the rabbit hole though, now THAT would be a deal breaker. At the right time, you will discuss this, he will ask for forgiveness, you will forgive and THEN the two of you will have a clean slate to start again with.
This was his approach 14 years ago as well. I don't want to have this conversation with H, at all. He has been hinting at it, but I haven't taken the bait.
I have zero expectations of At the right time, you will discuss this, he will ask for forgiveness, you will forgive and THEN the two of you will have a clean slate to start again with.
IDK if that is pessimism or negativity, or right or wrong, but it is where my head is right now. And operating under this belief, I view our M as on life support - and I'm just trying to figure out the best time to pull the plug.
In other news a kitten has taken up residency on our porch.
Gotta go get busy!
Thank you everyone for stopping by and taking an interest. It is just awesome to log in and find out people have an interest in what I have to say - an interest in me.
Its Friday!! Woot woot! Have a great weekend
Me 46 H 56 M 22 yrs S22, D20, Twin Ss18
You teach people how to treat you by what you allow. What you stop. And what you reinforce. ~~~~~~~ A lack of boundaries invites a lack of respect.
I agree w/Portia. A cute kitten to help ease the aggravation in your life. I do hope you will keep the little one.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Keep the kitten? Absolutely not. Because for one thing it has disappeared. For another thing we already have 2 cats, and 2 dogs. For another thing H doesn't like cats. Detests might be a better word. Pets are one of the biggest things we argue about. I have vowed to never get another pet as long as I am with H.
Currently, my dog is causing big problems. He really is, its not all in H's head. Although, I think H is partly responsible. Back in 2009 when we were getting ready to move here H had started talking about getting a doberman. And he finally did. Everyone meet Zeus. Zeus is a great dog. He does bark non stop outside unless he has his bark collar on. And he is fear-aggressive, so if we have anyone over Zeus is out back in the dog pen. But other than that, and well, an annoying habit of getting in the kitchen garbage, Zeus is a fantastic family dog.
And after H got Zeus, I thought it might be nice if Zeus had a brother, and I have long wanted a Keeshond. Everyone meet Brady. (And if you don't know what a Keeshond looks like, do a google. They are frikkin adorable!!) I okayed the purchase of Brady with H. He said ok.
But now it turns out that I only got Brady to "take away from Zues". Idk how this works. Zeus has his own chair and ottoman in the living room. Brady isn't allowed on the furniture. Zeus sleeps on a blanket in our bedroom. Brady sleeps in his crate under the stairs. Every time Brady does anything displeasing H tells me to get rid of him. (He went through about a year of telling me to get rid of Zeus too. This is typical H behavior. A long time ago we had a doby mix, rescue dog, had been abused. I advised against getting her because I know how much work such a dog takes, and I know sometimes they never get completely readjusted. But H got her, and spent a few months really babying her - she slept in our bed, head on the pillow. But she did indeed only "come so far" so H lost interest, and wanted to get rid of her. I refused. She became my dog. Until she twice bit a neighbor girl. Not a bad bite either time, but with a house full of 4 grade-school kids and their friends, it was clear what had to be done. So I did it. By myself. And, "Why are you crying? Its just an animal!")
H constantly refers to Brady as a waste of space, stupid, bad, furbag (and if you've seen a keeshond you know that last one's true lol) and talks to him in a "mean voice" if he talks to him at all. Brady is not neutered, because it "would be a waste of money since he's already so gay".
So now Brady has become aggressive against Zeus. Not a good idea, Zeus =85 pounds, Brady =40. And even H has observed that there does seem to be some jealousy from Brady re Zeus. So H had me google aggressive dog behavior. And among other issues we found that yes jealousy can play a part and that the "alpha" needs to offer inclusion to all members of "the pack".
But H (who of course is the alpha lol)"doesn't want to include that ugly fur bag". So Idk what to do. I think I may have to get rid of Brady
And don't get me started on the cats... this is long enough already. Suffice it to say I'm glad H hasn't followed through on his threat to poison them. Idk if he actually would, I think he's mostly just talk. I've never seen him abuse an animal. But he'll complain about them ad nauseum.
This has gotten pretty long. Breaking post.
Me 46 H 56 M 22 yrs S22, D20, Twin Ss18
You teach people how to treat you by what you allow. What you stop. And what you reinforce. ~~~~~~~ A lack of boundaries invites a lack of respect.
TV, LOL! That's a wonderful idea...let's schedule appointment for all of them in mlc! LOL!
I'm sorry to hear about the pet saga. It does sound like there is a bit of jealousy on the part of two dogs. I hope that dogs will settle down and enjoy each other's company and soon.
How is your MIL doing?
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
But aside from the disparaging animal issues, I have had an epiphany this weekend. In the interest of full disclosure, I'll detail all events as best I can.
Friday we went to the car show and then Star Trek: Into the Darkness (which was "okay". Not quite as good as the first one I didn't think, and I found the rehash of Star Trek II The Wrath of Khan a little contrived... but overall "okay") Nice evening.
Saturday morning, I got another back rub....? H said "You rub me when I ache so I'll rub you too." !!! And the back rub turned into and idk if this was a good idea or a bad idea... it'd been 7 months... I had questions in my head, was H reaching out?, trying to reconnect? should I stop him? ...
And then off to fastfoodland I went. Came home, all was fine... except S20 dented H's pickup truck. Sigh. Its not a real bad dent, but it is indeed a dent. Now H is funny about things like this. He doesn't blow up. Leave the bathroom light on? Kaboom. Dent his truck and nada. Instead of a blow up he'll make snide remarks now and then for what seems like an eternity. Until you think "I really wish you'd just have yelled at me"
But, all things considered, it was a good day. But then. But then I had gone to bed first and by the time H got upstairs he was angry with S20. Because S20 said he wasn't going to put any more gas in the truck when he drove it to work the next day. S20's opinion was it wasn't "his fault we let the twins take the car (more gas friendly) to Cedar Point for the night" S20 says this was forcing him to have to pay more $ for gas than he should have to... it was not a reasonable argument. And trying to coast on fumes and possibly run out of gas in the truck would of course be bad for the truck.
So H was full throttle name-calling angry, and S20 was belligerent right back. And I gave up trying to sleep lol - and took on my usual role of peace keeper. H forbade S20 the use of his truck for the next day's work. This would most likely have caused S20 to lose his job and I took the position that S20 losing his job wouldn't benefit anyone and that if S20 agreed to put gas in the truck he could drive it to work.
H "didn't care" if S20 lost his job.
And H was furious with me for "siding with S20" And S20 was mad at me for insisting he pay for gas.
And Sunday, while at fastfoodland I realized what I did was wrong.
I had good intentions, but I should have stayed out of it. I realized that my "peace keeping", my diplomacy, my interfering hurts my H.
It sends him the message that he can't communicate directly with the kids. That he needs my help. It makes him feel like I am siding with the kids and its "everyone against H".
So, I have found my 180. And its gonna be really hard for me. I believe I learned this from my mom so its ingrained.
And H is still mad at me. I did apologize, but H is not one for apologies, "they're just words". And I don't blame him, because I never before saw what I was doing as wrong. So before when I would apologize I would continue doing the same thing, just trying harder to "spin" my peace keeping to sound more supportive of H. Now I know I just need to STOP and let the cards fall where they may.
Although, on times before when I have managed to keep my mouth shut H still felt betrayed, because I didn't "say anything to support him." So, that's going to be hard for me, if I don't agree with what he's saying. I am a little concerned that there might be no pleasing H on this? I don't know if I can do this... sometimes he comes up with some radical/harsh (to my mind) ideas. But I do see how my "find a middle ground" approach hurts him.
And MIL's recovery is going slow, and H is torn between wanting to be with her and wanting to be here for the twins senior year.
For those looking for an apology from their spouse... FIL has taken to drinking (new for him) and whilst drunk apologizing profusely to MIL. This after 65 years of marriage and countless A's. So there you go. It may take 40 years, but an apology might be forthcoming. Jeesh.
I may take a break from posting for a while. I'm concerned DB is becoming a big distraction for me. There are things I want to do, should do, but then when I get on here time seems to vanish. And I am worried much of my drivel is self serving...
But I doubt I'll vanish altogether. Because I want to know how things are going with my "virtual" friends
Cheers!
Me 46 H 56 M 22 yrs S22, D20, Twin Ss18
You teach people how to treat you by what you allow. What you stop. And what you reinforce. ~~~~~~~ A lack of boundaries invites a lack of respect.
Sometimes it is good to take a break from the board. "Real" life is far too short and you can always visit us any time. Postings tend to stay in place...so, go live your life for a bit. We'll miss you, but we do understand.
It appears that your FIL tends to finally get the nerve up to apologize when he's had a few. I hope he means what he says w/those apologies.
Please take care of yourself.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Have a great weekend 
and idk if this was a good idea or a bad idea... it'd been 7 months... I had questions in my head, was H reaching out?, trying to reconnect? should I stop him? ... 