Its strange isn't it? Even surrounded by people, we still feel that little loneliness inside; the place where our H/partners resided.
It's all those inside jokes that we shared over the years, "Aunty Betty was at it again..." that would not mean anything to anyone else. I miss that the most. We were a team of two. Even when I went to events alone (and had to often), I could come home and tell him all about it. He knew my world as I used to know his. I guess that is why the betrayal cuts so deep; apparently I did not know his world as well as he knew mine.
You have come such a long way. At least your H wants to try or at least sees you as someone he wants in his life. With MLC, that is a start. And now you have the time to think about what you want. You know what is best for you and we will support you all the way!
