Looking to keep hope alive

[ALF213]

I think you did the right thing. After all, why should YOU be the one to leave when you don't want all this? Maybe she'll secretly gain a little respect for you because of it.

Thanks for the support, JRG. She's not very happy about this as expected. She thinks someone influenced this "change of heart" as she calls it, which is not true. I came to this decision on my own.

You have to stop reacting to "seeing her hurt". She's not a kid you're protecting. She has to live her live and make her choices, and you don't have to like all of them and you don't get to protect her from feeling any of her feelings. She is wanting to be separate from you, so it's understandable if she communicates to you that she's frustrated or sad or mad about your decision to stay. You could validate that if she seeks you out to communicate that to you.

Thanks for stopping by, adinva. You are right I have to stop protecting her. For a while, I put a lot of blame on myself for ending up her. As a result, I felt sadness for the position she was in and I tried to do what was best for her, not myself. Which leads me to you next point...

You have your own hurt to deal with, don't take responsibility for hers too. Respect that this is probably hard and painful for her too. There was probably a long road that led to here or she wouldn't be making the decisions she's making. I think the goal is to feel empathy and compassion, but not responsibility, for her feelings.

I became only worried about her feelings and not my own. I do feel empathy and compassion with what she is going through, but I also felt responsible as well. I'm trying to separate them.