Divorcebusting.com  |  Contact      
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 8 of 12 1 2 6 7 8 9 10 11 12
Joined: Jun 2012
Posts: 1,516
T
Member
Offline
Member
T
Joined: Jun 2012
Posts: 1,516
GTO, only your H knows why he stopped by the gym. You're doing the right thing by focusing on you, but I completely understand why you were aggravated. I still sense guilt and anger coming from him when you relate your conversations. Stay on your path.
(((((((((())))))))))

Joined: Sep 2012
Posts: 399
N
Member
Offline
Member
N
Joined: Sep 2012
Posts: 399
"More steps on his own path. Got to stop worrying about him and refocus on ME. So hard sometimes!"

You got it GTO, this is it ^^^ this is work in progress and a daily reminder. Yep I have the same Q, can't he do the phone thing himself? Good job on the pace of the bike gotta love cycling! Take care thought I visit your thread.

Newman


me40; W43
M18; T~20
D18; S13 & S3
bomb 5/9/11
EA busted 4/30/12; 9/4/12; 4/29/13; 6/10/13 same OM

Separated 4/1/14

"Even a flicker of light will shine through darkness-12/25/2012"....better days ahead.


Joined: Sep 2012
Posts: 1,001
L
Member
OP Offline
Member
L
Joined: Sep 2012
Posts: 1,001
Thanks, bustin, Tori and newman, for posting!

Tori, you are absolutely right about my interactions w H yesterday. About his request for me to call the cell phone co. I should have just said "okay," and left it at that, but I know my tone changed when he brought that up. I immediately knew I slipped up.

The cell phone co says they need my permission(since my name is on the acct) to remove his number to set up a new account. I won't set up the acct, only give the co. my okay for him to switch to his own===I know, weird.

I'll do this tomorrow as I don't want him thinking I was stalling on his request for any reason.

Need advice--thinking about taking a R temperature check before H goes on his trip w boys & I go on mine w SIL. I am really feeling the need to know what he's thinking & where's he's at, esp concerning OW.

It will have been a year on Tuesday since first BD & probably a year and a half since his involvement w OW (EA). I think knowing if he's moved forward w his R w OW and still waiting for her to be D'ed, will be useful information for me to sit on during my trip.

Is this a bad idea? I just don't know where I'm at with us. I think I'm getting closer to dropping the rope and I don't want to have any regrets. I know 18 months is not forever for a MLCer so ....?


M- 18 T-21
S-14,11 & 10
BD 6-18-2012 (OW-EA)
H moved out 11-3-2012
10-5-13 Me- I want a divorce. I want to move on w my life.
11-25-13 Jointly filed.
Joined: Aug 2012
Posts: 2,077
F
Member
Offline
Member
F
Joined: Aug 2012
Posts: 2,077
Originally Posted By: littleGTO

Need advice--thinking about taking a R temperature check...

Is this a bad idea? I just don't know where I'm at with us. I think I'm getting closer to dropping the rope and I don't want to have any regrets. I know 18 months is not forever for a MLCer so ....?


Yes, bad idea. I don't think there are very many times that a temperature check is helpful. If he was drawing closer to you, you'd know it. If he is not, then asking will only hurt you.

I agree with the excellent advice tori gave to you.


M: A really long time.
Crisis: 5 years.
She's still worth it.

Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 9,676
L
Member
Offline
Member
L
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 9,676
You can be on your path without knowing where he is on his.

That's the secret of this whole thing, finding and staying on your path no matter what others, including H, do around you.


Me 57/H 58
M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13

Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do.
I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering.
Caroline Myss
Joined: Jun 2012
Posts: 1,516
T
Member
Offline
Member
T
Joined: Jun 2012
Posts: 1,516
GTO, I think you're on your trip now, so I hope you're having an amazing time! Can't wait to hear how it went!

Joined: Nov 2012
Posts: 947
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: Nov 2012
Posts: 947
I would have to concur by saying a tempreture check is a bad idea. Man, I hate that too! We all want a secret insight into the relationship. unfortunately, we never get one. All we get with a temp. check is hurt feelings. Now, if the news from a temp. check were to be good....You would have already known it simply by your interactions with your husband.

Leave it alone. You will get nothing positive from it.


Have fun on your trip...soooo jealous. I need a vacay! crazy


Me:46 Her:38
My D: 11
Her S: 8


Joined: Sep 2012
Posts: 1,001
L
Member
OP Offline
Member
L
Joined: Sep 2012
Posts: 1,001
Thanks, everyone!

1 year today since original BD. A lot has changed since then. I am still sad, but no longer in shock. I still love my H but am definitely not "in love" w him. Not sure my M is saveable anymore.

I want more in life. And, I know I can't live in limbo forever. It's really been 18 months since H checked out. I am lonely and don't want to "do life" alone. But, I do know I need to heal first.

Am switching back to my first C, I think. Things she said to me still resonate w me. She was very "old school" but she wasn't just a good listener, as I've found my next two C's to be mostly. A good friend of mine sees her and he has made some real growth through her help.

Another thing that has changed my perspective a little-- cute, young D'ed dad from my party & I have been texting a little. It has very innocent and sporatic, but it has been incredible for my self esteem. It makes me realize I want MORE than life alone.

Yet, I KNOW I am not ready. Please no 2x4's about the texting. It feels okay for me now.

Can't believe it's been a year, yet it's been the longest, saddest, worst year of my life.

Looking more forward to the next year--"a year of healing."


M- 18 T-21
S-14,11 & 10
BD 6-18-2012 (OW-EA)
H moved out 11-3-2012
10-5-13 Me- I want a divorce. I want to move on w my life.
11-25-13 Jointly filed.
Joined: Sep 2012
Posts: 399
N
Member
Offline
Member
N
Joined: Sep 2012
Posts: 399
"I want more in life. And, I know I can't live in limbo forever. It's really been 18 months since H checked out. I am lonely and don't want to "do life" alone. But, I do know I need to heal first."

Hey GTO,

Just caught your update. I feel that to go through this we must experience limbo to see and to let ourselves know that we did what we could in the M. I think it's a good experience and when we're old and retired we won't ever wonder if we could've done more. I am glad to know that you won't settle in limbo forever.

You deserve better GTO, we all do. I think it's ok to text that D'ed guy I won't hand you a 2x4 but a 4x8 j/k smile. I think it's ok, you just wanna make sure you're ready like you said. I feel the same it's not the loneliness but what I missed the most is sharing my day with someone, especially when it's so stressful at work.

You're doing great GTO keep it up!

Newman


me40; W43
M18; T~20
D18; S13 & S3
bomb 5/9/11
EA busted 4/30/12; 9/4/12; 4/29/13; 6/10/13 same OM

Separated 4/1/14

"Even a flicker of light will shine through darkness-12/25/2012"....better days ahead.


Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 1,352
N
Member
Offline
Member
N
Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 1,352
GTO, you made it through this year, even though i imagine it felt impossible at first.. and you are becoming stronger and growing more self aware. that is something to be so so proud of. smile


Me(f): 51 W: 41
DP:8 M:3 T:10
"W not happy" 7/11
D final: 8/13
Page 8 of 12 1 2 6 7 8 9 10 11 12

Moderated by  Cadet, DnJ, job, Michele Weiner-Davis 

Link Copied to Clipboard
Michele Weiner-Davis Training Corp. 1996-2025. All rights reserved.
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.7.5