We talked last night it was very honest for me and my W was open. She had a bad week with the AP on the trip. Which included "half a** intimacy one night" (I was surprised she shared that.) On Monday on the drive home the AP has gave W the same old ultimatum: "don't contact me again until you divorce RT." Her usual M.O. when she feels my W slipping away from her. She does the "Take Away" and like a child, my W wants what she can't have.
She was honest and told me she has no idea what she wants. She "thinks" it's our M and she "loves me." But admitted she says the exact same thing to the AP but in reverse.
My honesty was two fold. I told her that I am getting stronger and limbo is no longer ok with me. I also told her that I have a growing resentment that since S, she has gone to the AP's home whenever asked for extended periods of time to "try to make it work" (each time they fail) but that my resentment was she has never tried to heal our marriage. She validated that was truth and doesn't know why she hasn't other than the AP keeps asking her to try and I don't. So I gave her what she wanted:
"Ok." I said. "Fair enough. I have not asked. I want to be very clear. I love you. I can see us in a future, with all of this behind us. We are stronger, have better communication and are happier than ever. Will you come home?" She said, "I'll think about it." (I took that bait big time! I left it alone. I'm not playing games.)
She started crying (a lot) and apologizing over and over for hurting me, continuing to hurt me, etc... I thanked her for the words and told her that I don't need her to keep apologizing for the A, I need her to exhibit mercy by committing to a resolution to find her happiness, wherever that may lead.
I thanked her for the talk and openess. I thanked her for listening to me. She said "You don't owe me any thank you's. You don't owe me anything. I don't deserve it."
I tried not to interrupt her feelings by putting a bandaid on them or "Fixing" them like I used to try to do. I just tried to sit and listen to her. To be in the moment and let her feel them with me not in judgement.
The call ended well. I told her that I was going to give her some space for a while. She said she was going to call and/or text me. I said that was ok.
We exchanged our love for one another and left the conversation with for me, what felt a little more cleansed and little more connected.
Me(F):40 WAW:44 T:13yrs M:9yrs BD:2/12 (I saw a text) ILYBINILWY: 5/12 PA admission: 12/12 (began 3/11) S:2/13 Moves in w/AP D begins: 7/13 W moves home to R: 10/13
