Bea, I agree w/you about the "friends" bit. My xh spewed and was the angry green eyed monster for well over 3+ years. A few days after the funeral of my BIL in 2005, I got a rather lengthy email from him wanting to be friends and the he had friends who were divorced and the exes were really good friends, so why can't we be friends. Well, hello? No one treated friends the way he did me and I pointed out that maybe they have to be friends because of children or finalizing he separation of martial assets. To this day, he still doesn't get it.
Yes, the do think of themselves as victims, not once considering that they put themselves in the position of being where they are with the consequences of their actions. I know that my xh doesn't want to talk about his reign of terror and does everything possible to sweep it under the rug. It's very sad, but that's the way most of them are.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
