I love the support shared here. I really need to share my own story...I hurt so deeply, & desperately need help and encouragement. I'm thinking of you all as I read & learn from the forums. Been lurking for 6+ months.
H48 M46 T26 M25 S25 D21 10/4/12 BD - ILYBINILWY, S 10/7/12 H Leaves, works 2 hours away H Done 1/13 H tells S he wants D 2/13 NO R talk since - nothing filed We live together weekends
Hi Linda~~ Thanks for the encouragement. Very much needed. I agree about expectations. Seems your are right on target. That way they can soar when things go the way they are supposed to. Did that make any sense?? I am so glad you found out that RT will not be able to get her green card. Makes me smile. I think you are so strong and showing such class and grace as you go thru all this heartbreaking stuff. And just from what I have been reading about RT class and grace is something she will NEVER have no matter what. So hold your head up and keep moving forward.
H texted me that he is feeling bad and sick. Ummmm why not tell the JW?? Of course that thought stayed in my mouth this time. So I told me feel better,blah,blah,blah. H response.." Do you have any bread and maybe I could have some toast if I came over?" So H will be over later. H is used to me taking care of him and babying him when he doesn't feel well. And the worst part is I feel bad because he doesn't feel well. I know that so much of it is stress and all this drama H has created on his own. So I will play nice. But my question is is this playing too nice?? Have a peaceful, calm, drama-free night. I am sure I will be back later to journal my evenings events.
"H texted me that he is feeling bad and sick. Ummmm why not tell the JW?? Of course that thought stayed in my mouth this time. So I told me feel better,blah,blah,blah. H response.." Do you have any bread and maybe I could have some toast if I came over?" So H will be over later. H is used to me taking care of him and babying him when he doesn't feel well. And the worst part is I feel bad because he doesn't feel well. I know that so much of it is stress and all this drama H has created on his own. So I will play nice. But my question is is this playing too nice??"
Hahaha, I guess JW and the Alcoholic are out of bread, good work in biting your tongue to keep from asking! I don't think giving him some toast is being "too" nice, but would lay back on the "babying!" but that's just my opinion. Hopefully one of the vets will chime in!
Me again...Well H stopped in and I was nice but not that nice. Made him some toast and he wanted me to sit with him while he ate. I don't know why exactly. H started telling me he thought it was mainly stress, not eating well or sleeping well. Boo hoo who's fault is that?? I just don't how to react and I am always afraid I will do it wrong. H is used to me babying him and I didn't at all tonight. Sometimes it is all so overwhelming. Thanks for checking in Linda. Hoping you are having a good night. I want my old life back!!! And I am trying so hard to do everything right to work on me and our M. Patience! Patience! Patience!
Oh Limbo, I hope your H wakes up soon, but for now your old life is gone. It's hard but please prepare to batten down the hatches for a long long ride.
I have difficulty knowing what to say to validate my H's statements too. For negative statements I usually say "I'm sorry you feel like that" and just "um hmmmm" for outrageous statements. But Wonka just posted links to a lot of threads on my thread that I think you will find helpful, including one named "Validating Statements" which is on page 9
Limbo, I have the same questions about what to do in situation like this. I’ve just had a thought (I think I’ve read it somewhere), that you can keep being nice to your H especially when he needs you. This way you will put some “love” deposits into his "love bank". He will get used to it even though he is cake eating at this time. At some point, when you feel like it, you can stop doing these nice things for him. And he will feel it. Don’t know where you draw the line though, I’m still trying to determine it for myself.
M:50 H:52 S28 (my S from previous marriage) M:17 + 3 BD: 06/12 S: 06/12 - H works in another state
Hi ladies~~Linda, I will be heading over to your page to check out those links. I need all the help I can get. I am so down right now. I need to get some of my hope back. Don't know where it is hiding right now. I need to quit obsessing about H and JW. Then I get to thinking that H has been here a lot lately. See~~that is my problem... Too darn much thinking. I have been keeping really busy but it still creeps in.. The doubt, the sadness, the hurt, H betrayal, all of it...
Thanks for stopping by BrightFuture. I like that love bank idea. I totally get that. But like you said, where do you draw the line? And I feel bad for H and I know he is hurting but it is his own fault. Hope things are going well for you. I will check in on your sitch in a bit.
Is it normal that I want to track JW down and smash her face in?? I never would but I think about how good it would feel. Then I think back to what others have said that this will fizzle out between them. I just wish H could see himself or hear himself.
You are all so strong and I thank you for your support. I need to get it together. For ME... I know I have to do this and I want to do this. I want to be the one H wants....You all are truly my lifeline....no pressure there at all huh??
Okay I have a question that I hope someone can answer for me. H was here again tonight. H has been stopping by ALOT. H always has a reason...getting mail, need something from the garage, whatever. And of course H always reaffirms he is done, has the JW, blah, blah, blah. Finally, my question is this. If H hates it so bad here and was miserable for so long and I am such a bi!$&, why keep putting yourself thru that coming back?? I am just so so confused. I fixed him a glass of iced tea tonight and he was so thankful,that is so nice,you didn't have to do that.
Am I just being delusional thinking maybe H is here because he wants to be?? I so much want something to validate me being hopeful. Every time i think there is a baby step from him in the right direction, he jerks the rug out from under me.Does that make any sense?? My thoughts are so all over the place right now. I want so much to keep my hope alive but then people have said I am absolutely delusional and why would I want someone back that cheated on me and is putting me thru this agony.
It's kind of like H has too make sure to tell me those things about being done and all that. Of course I think it is to hurt me but is H doing to make himself believe it too?? I know no mind reading...
Fathers Day is Sunday and we usually make a big deal out of it for him and plan the whole weekend around him. H said tonight " I guess we won't be celebrating this year huh?" Gee after what you have put the kids and I through you think so??? I didn't say it out loud. I just said I am leaving that up to the kids. I have always made sure to make it awesome for him in the past because he HAD been such a good dad. The kids don't want to do anything for H this year and I support them on their decision. H asked if he could come work on the car for the day Sunday and maybe we could eat together. UUUUGGGHHHH. This man is making me crazy.
I am going to get busy tomorrow and do massive amounts of yard work and work myself into being so tired maybe I won't think about things for awhile....yeah,right.
Have a good night all. Gots lots of stuff swirling around in my mind. I might be back later to journal or rant and rave.
Limbo.. did your husband ever tell you what he's so angry about? Did you have a big fight before he left or was it gradual over time? When he comes back to the house, is it to see the kids? Is your husband a man of faith also? Is he active within the church? I hope tomorrow is better for you. I love yard work and missed spring this year. I missed planting a garden as well. Enjoy your time outside.
Hi Blue~~ Thanks for stopping by! H has always said the same 2 things over and over. I am done and I am not happy. There was no big fight before H left because he just never came home one night. Now when H came back the next day to get his stuff I was a CRAZY woman and did all the wrong things. Screamed, cried, begged him not to go. You name the wrong thing and I did it. H was totally a jerk about it and left me sobbing in the yard and looked me right in the face and said I don' t know what you want me to do about it. One of the hardest things I have ever been through was the look on his face when he said that and then just walked away.
H was totally a man of faith and a wonderful Christian. H was so active in our church. Now H has turned his back on everything and obviously broke some important commandments. H was always teaching me things from the Bible.
The yard working thing makes me sad but it has to be done. That was kind of our thing. We loved fixing up the yard and planning and planting our garden every year. Now the weeds are taking over the whole yard. Kind of like that in my life right now too.
It is sort of weird about when he comes over. Our kids are pretty much grown up but H was always very close to them and such a good dad. Not so much lately. But H will go find them and talk with them. Our daughter is bipolar and is having a very rough time with things and is trying to keep her distance from him but she still needs him so much. And H and our son were very close and it's so hard on our son now. But then after he checks in with the kids he will come find me. I am always busy and will walk away or out of the room and H follows. If I am so awful stay away from me you dummy.
I am so sorry you are feeling so awful. My heart just aches for you and I so wish there was something I could do. Take care of YOU. You can do this. I know how hard it is. Here if you need me. Get some rest.
