Dazedboy - Big hugs for you. It wasn't your fault - when I posted that, I was VERY mad, so I know it came off a lot more negative than it was. If nothing else, you made me redefine things for myself, which helped a LOT. So - honesty is always okay - at least for the most part. You didn't hurt my feelings, just made me look at things in a different way, which is GOOD. That said, I think I'm going to hunt up your thred so I can give you a hug there. Thanks again, Myrrh
One moment of patience may ward off great disaster. One moment of impatience may ruin a whole life.
There may be things to justify about him and your sitch, but can all of it be, if it makes you so angry and uncomfortable?
This is actually a really good point. I let my PMA get VERY low, and was in a very bad spot this weekend. You really gave me a wake-up call ,a nd kind of came off like just a protective friend. I understood the concern behind your post, and appreciated that. Hugs again, Myrrh
One moment of patience may ward off great disaster. One moment of impatience may ruin a whole life.
Dazed--Your observations aren't bad, guy.... quite the contrary. But what I was hoping to convey is the fact that Myrrh already has difficulty reining in her anger without us adding stuff to her pile.
I do see that you're interested in what's happening... and as I said before, I don't want to discourage you from posting to any of us! Please feel free to jump into my pool any time you wish!
Meredith and I have been coaching Myrrh on her anger management and responses--when they are favorable, her H comes running to her. When she goes after him (which we call "eating fish"), he runs away.
My point in drawing the solution part of the equation is knowing that we all have issues with our spouses--just visit any thread and you can see!
So feel free to jump in, Dazed. A man's POV is welcome to all of us!
Thanks for visiting!
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
CBH - Somehow I totally missed you singing to me on my thread yesterday. You can serenade over here any time you want!
Well, I did okay last night. Not great, but okay. I logged out of EQ at about 11pm, after falling asleep at the keyboard for a second and getting my H's character killed while I ran around like a headless chicken, bumping into walls and generally doing about everything screwy in the game I could. His car had no license plates, so he couldn't drive it home, so he was depending on someone else for a ride home. Said person is NOTORIOUSLY irresponsible, so I was worried H might be ditched completely and be spending the night at the shop. This, as you can imagine, is a situation tailor-made to work me into a worrying/grouchy frenzy. But, around 11:30 when I called, he said TJ had come back but was returning some videos and he'd get a ride with him when he came back.
I went to bed like a good little db'er, and woke up around 1:30. No H. So I called (I know, it violates my rule.)I was a little stressed-sounding, and he commented that I sounded a little freaked out, but I contained my nasty comments and he said he was on his way as soon as the aforesaid irresponsible person got back to the shop with his girlfriend. Another 45 minutes passes, wherein: 1) I call the shop again to tell him to just stay there. (he had already left) 2) I seriously consider demanding that he pack his crap and move out, or I would. 3) I move out to the couch, thinking I am going to spend the night there.
At about 2am (the man is predictable, just in an irritating way!), he rolls in with two humidifiers - one cool for S's room, and a warm-mist one for our room. He also bought me this huge brick of white chocolate shaped like a cross (he thought it was somewhat amusing, as it was the GAUDIEST piece of candy I've ever seen) and told me he bought TJ and Lisa both candy bars for taking him home. I sputtered a little, and pouted some (I was unable to pry Bob out of the closet for this encounter - could it have been because it was 2am?), but he was really sweet and started hugging me, telling me he was sorry. And I said, "for what?" (I really hadn't said anything about why I was grouchy.) He said "for not making you happy." (That comment scares me, honestly.) I said "you don't have to do that." And he said, "but that's what I want to do." (this last in his romantic conqueror type voice.) Then we went to bed and he was very snuggly, wanting me to rub his head and rubbing my back some. And then, as per our habit, we . The man is truly astonishing me with his appetite for , since he seemed to not care that much about it when he was gone.
Anyway, he's at the house watching S today, since our daycare person cancelled (last night!) on us. I gave him lots of love before i left - kisses and a quick neck rub. He's lucky; our S is still asleep because at 2am when his daddy came home, he launched himself out of bed (with his two new cars clutched firmly in both hands ) and slid to a stop in front of the baby gate, with a big "HIIIIIIIIIII!!!!! to his dad. So the little guy is sleeping in this morning (anything past 7 is sleeping in for him.)
So that was last night - I'll post today's goals later! Hugs and thanks for all replies yesterday! Myrrh
One moment of patience may ward off great disaster. One moment of impatience may ruin a whole life.
I have to comment here because I see something important for you to flag.
First of all, I'm NOT a nocturnal person, so I was right with you every step of the way. I would also be irritated if Mr. W. were to do that. But Mr. Wonderful is an early morning person, so any nocturnal behaviors he exhibits are pretty much unhealthy ones.
Your H, on the other hand, IS a nocturnal person. This isn't bad, Myrrh. Just different than you.
Here's the memo to you to put under your pillow:
Go to bed, fall asleep and just stay there. Your H likes staying up until wee hours of the morning. God knows why because I don't, but it seems to suit him just fine. If it's preventing him from spending time with you (and maybe the is affected), then you have cause for alarm.
However, he played EQ with you until fairly late (in my books, cuz I'm old) and kept in touch with you. Then he brought some gifts home.
It's time to leave poor D alone! I know you love him and worry about him, and that is so natural, but he's a big boy and he obviously feels comfy in his own skin. Unless he takes issue with your less nocturnal behaviors, you are doing FINE! And I think you're pretty comfy in your own skin too.
Being different is good, as long as we honor those differences.
Here, I'm sending you a pack of chill pills. Relax! You're A-OK.
Hugs,
Bets
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
Gobbling the chill pills in a Cookie-Monsterish way... You're right on the money as usual, Bets.
But thank you for saying out loud that it's okay for him to be himself (I know it sounds stupid that I just don't get that). I need to be told evey once in a while that things are OKAY!
*breathe, breathe* This is just me, needing to accept my sweetie for who he is, rather than trying to squeeze him into a skin that doesn't fit him. I do love him very much, and I know he loves me.
You guys don't think I should leave the bb since he's come home, do you? I feel like my issues are kind of...trivial compared to what some other people are dealing with.
Hugs and thank you, Myrrh
One moment of patience may ward off great disaster. One moment of impatience may ruin a whole life.
I can relate to the nocturnal problem. I am a morning person and H is a night owl. My BIG gripe with the whole thing is that he doesn't come to bed with me and snuggle and talk. He likes for me to stay downstairs and watch tv with him (I'm talking pre-bomb), but he is in a tv coma and I don't get what I need that way.
I don't know if that's true in your sitch, but wanted to give ya a big...I feel ya. Your description of running around with your head cut off in your game was pretty hilarious.
. The man is truly astonishing me with his appetite for 