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I'd be interested in Betsey and Mer's comments on this post.


Absolutely Darling! Ask and you shall receive.

Dazedboy,
Passive-aggressive actions that are TRUE passive-aggressive actions should never be labeled as behaviors that people are pulling. They are part of a disorder that needs to be overcome, and the process takes time. I am curious as to which of these behaviors you classify as “sh*t that he is pulling”. I know first hand that they are not easy behaviors to work with, but work with them we must. Just as a handicapped person may not be able to jump up and walk upon command, we cannot demand that the PA spouse quit acting the way that he does…it takes a lot of time and patience and Myrrh is very lucky to posses both. You wouldn’t ask a wheelchair bound person to quit pulling that lazy s**t and get up and walk, would you?? Furthermore, I believe it is degrading to Myrrh and her sitch if you refer to her husband as an SOB and a putz.

Myrrh,
Don’t let the negativity get you down. He’s home, Sweetie! And he promised you that he’d stay there. It is going to take some time to get the wrinkles ironed out and you both are dealing with ingrained behaviors that need changing. All of us would be slightly frustrated by the things you were…and you did the right thing by venting those frustrations here and not to your H’s face!

We all agree that we need to work on boundaries. In my sitch, it is definitely imperative to find a method of boundary setting that works for both my PA (and subsequently SOB, I suppose) husband and myself. I’m sure this is where you stand too, and these things take time. I must say though, you are making an excellent start by keeping your plans Saturday morning and passing down some responsibility to your husband. That deserves a GO YOU!!! for sure!

What I once told CBH, to keep the resentment from creeping up behind you make sure that you do for him only what you can do without attaching a price tag. For instance, if you do his laundry, do it because you would like to and not because you expect something in return. If you can do this, you will be spared resentment.

Myrrh, the positives in your sitch are there – for those who choose to see them. I can see them, Betsey can see them, and most importantly – YOU can see them! If listing the positives in the black and white would help YOU then do so.

"It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere." --Agnes Repplier, writer and historian