New to This - An English Man In Trouble

[Fartiltre]

Welcome on these boards! You are here, I am here and we are here with a lot of other nice and caring people – we are all sorry to be here and at the same time happy that this forum exits!

I am European as well – so perhaps we can support each other a little. Please realize that I am only 3 month old in this and therefore not a VET. I think I can advise you a little and since I am still living with W perhaps more than a little.

Start by realizing WHY you are here! Accept the fact that your W is leaving and then:

Sandi2 list
Start by reading Sandi2 list - this is important! Read it every day for the next month. You will find it as a sticky in the top of this forum. Follow it! This will prevent further mistakes at the moment.

Read DR
It will help you on what you are about to start!

Why did she drop the Bomb.
Have you sorted this out? (Don’t ask W!)

180s
What are your 180s. What have you changed? Work on you?
If you have sorted out the reason for the B you will have an excellent list to start with. Then add all the things you have thought of yourselves over the last years. Things you should have done! Things you would have done, if only…..? Be concrete, prioritize and then do it and keep doing it!
Consistence rules above all! (You will find a lot of posting in here saying “Do it for you!” Changes will not last and you will fall through if you do this to win W back!)
Start changing you!

Act-as-if.
Read DR and get a hold of this concept! If you follow Sandi2s list you will be on the right path!

GAL (Get A Life)
You need to get your head of this so start doing things: Exercicze, read, go out with friends…. Do stuff you like!

Keep the hope!
It can be done! You will find out as you obtain knowledge!
It will be hard!!
It will demand all your patience and then some!!!
...but it can be done!


The list of things you can do could be much longer! You will meet the word DETACHMENT a lot of times in here and it is an extremely important word but DETACHMENT is also very hard and it takes time. The reason I have picked the subjects above and not a lot of other things is that these subjects can be implemented quickly and especially Sandi2s list!

Any advice would be much appreciated:

You have come to the right place. Keep posting and you will be of moderation.
Hopefully a VET will come by but otherwise I hope the list above will get you startet!

Am I too far gone that its time to give up?

Not in my opinion and I am very certain that almost everybody in here will agree with me!
But only one opinion matters here and that opinion is yours.

How can I make her see the good times?

You can’t at the moment and do not try! Do not try to explain anything or argue with her!
What you have to do is show her a new you – a man that nobody will leave!

How do I work around her friends all giving her advice to move on?

You don’t! You work on you and nothing else at the moment!
If you meet them or see them, then:

By Being stong and confidant

How do I handle these next 3-4 weeks in the same house? My heart is broken!

Trust me on this one!!! I get you! I am in the same place!
You MAN UP and show her somebody who is nice to be around!! That’s what you have to do! Read Sandi2s list and do it! You have a window of opportunity! For the next 3-4 weeks she will be able to see your changes so use it wisely

I have offered to sleep on the sofa which I am, is this coming across as I would do anything? Do I need to toughen up?

I believe you do! She is leaving! Stay in the bed – if she doesn’t want to sleep next to you then she can move to the sofa!

All she says is she wants to be happy, how can I get her to a place that I am part of that?

Start with the list above, educate yourself on these matters and make your path!
This is about you and not her (for now!)



This is by the way totally normal so don’t read anything in it (We all hear them):
She has said she doesn’t want a divorce yet but can never see us together again, in effect its all over.
…everything I do seems to be met with a brick wall…
…she can’t see any of the good memories at all….


Get it???
if NO: ASK QUESTIONS! (be specific!!)
if YES: DO IT! - NOW!!