Husband has one foot out the door!

[lovethehub]

Highway, your story sounds similar to what I am going through now although our before BD histories are different.

The hardest thing to grasp and put into practice is that you aren't making these changes to bring them back, at least not solely. We start out there, but you need to start making the changes about you, not about whether he is going to stay. (Fall is a long way off in DBland so anything can happen if you stay on the right path).

I found that keeping a journal has been very helpful. I write what I am feeling, what I would like to say to him if I were talking about our M, the realizations I have had that make me understand why he feels the way he does and my goals.

I go to my journal, or this website, when I want to talk to him. I have learned to bite my tongue and, in doing so, I have adopted a completely different perspective on H and our M in the last few months. My two closest friends are shocked at the difference in me when we talk about my M and they can see how I am handling everything differently. And believe me, they have heard a LOT over the last 4 years.

Get excited about learning more about yourself and growing as a person. Even though you want H back, make the changes for you or they will not last if you R. He will also see through it if it is a ploy to get him back.

You are arousing his curiosity. I did it, too. Pulling back was so hard. In conversation, I acted like I always did and was happy and engaged. However, I stopped reaching out to him, initiating those conversations, etc.

It sounds like you are giving him his space, now you need to dig deep and prepare for this to take a while. Yes, you will have up and down days but we will be here for you.