What we each did wrong that hurt our marriage

[mkultra]

Hello Everybody! Wow, it took me all morning to read your stories! I read almost half ,about five of the pages! This is such an inspirational post! The best parts about it are that we are reflective and together with so many similarities. I often feel lonely even though I know so many other people have gone through a divorce. It almost seems like a rite of passage where I live in California! The happily married ones are the rare ones! Or a member of some cult??!! Lol. Sigh.

After reading the Five Love Languages, I see that lack of communication was the biggest culprit in the loss of my marriage. My ex became accustomed to keeping secrets regarding his sexual needs, his family background, even his grades in college, and getting laid off. I guess he did not want to disappoint me or my family. I always loved him and told him so, but his love language was affection. I was used to saying how I was proud of him, but I did stop having sexy time with him.

I now know that my own love language is quality time. The one thing he never had was time because he struggling to finish school or to find a job. Then, came the babies and I was consumed with motherhood. I guess I thought it was OK to ignore him and then my love language became action and deeds: caring for the babies, cooking, shopping, cleaning, even though I was never good at cleaning! I was really good at being a MOM! So good that I forgot to be a WIFE! After a few years, we truly did live like co-parents or even brother and sister. I am really ashamed to admit that last part.