"I Love you but love her too"....WHAT?

[Notlikingthis]

Linda, thanks for posting the Jim Conway quote. I can see more clearly now why this is happening to my h. He did go through a period of buying a sports car, paying more attention to his physical appearance, health etc. about 15 years ago but must have avoided the most important part of his MLC. After reading the Artists Way he did change in some ways but not all good. He became more focused on himself, journaling but has now become even more self centered and more determined to do what HE wants to do without regard to how it effects anyone else around him. As I reflect, I now see that reading the book, doing his "Morning Pages" and writing out his thoughts each and every day may have been the beginning of what I'm seeing now. A full blown MLC. His parents, his sisters and many other difficult stages from his past have been topics of conversation over the past few years. We've visited his parents more often in the past 2-3 years than we have in a very long time. I believe that after reading the book he began to form a new attitude and life. When he says that if his/our friends don't like what he's doing then they aren't his/our friends, I know he's missed the authors point!! (To everyone out there, if your spouse shows any signs of MLC don't let them read that book!) LOL

His mantra that "it's MY time and I'm not going to let ANYONE tell me what to do" is getting really old. I wish I could respond with something profound but I know that whatever I come up with other than validation would be a mistake. Unfortunately, I can't find a way to validate that other than to say that "I understand why you might feel that way". This all so frustrating!

This morning when I went outside to put the garbage can at the curb I found my h halfway down the driveway rolling it to the street. I jokingly asked him if he was stealing my garbage can.
He laughed and said that he thought he'd stop by to be sure that I remembered. I thanked him, told him Happy Birthday and that I hoped he had a good day. I turned to walk away and he said he'd call me in a little while. About 5 minutes later the phone rang. I debated whether to answer and decided to give in to temptation. He thanked me again for being so understanding and putting up with his crazy behavior. I acknowledged his "apology" by saying you're welcome and that this can't be easy for him. He rambled for a few more minutes about nothing in particular till I told him that I had to get ready to go out. He wanted to know what I had planned for the day and I avoided specifics. Half an hour later he called again....let the answering machine get it. The phone just rang again and he left a message. Of course it was nothing urgent just asking me if I would make a call the dentist for him. I don't think so, your teeth, your problem. LOL My days of helping him in those ways are over.

Although I had a lot of trouble falling asleep last night (alone) I woke up this morning feeling much better than I expected. If I imagine that he's on a business trip for the next 5 years I think I'll get through this.

Cadet and Snodderly, thanks for digging out all of the old posts on Depression, Boundaries etc. They are my lifeline right now. It not only keeps me busy, it helps me understand what is happening in my h's mind and how to best react to the craziness.