I have to agree with you and Mer here. If calling him after midnight is a trouble spot--knowing you're pissed and likely to act that way--then this is a good rule for you.
This doesn't mean you don't EVER get to address the PA issues. It just means you put them on a back burner until you've made some progress in your own areas and can monitor what happens with your H as a result.
Got it? Don't worry about him and his behaviors. Working on your own will give you a much better compass in what works and what doesn't.
GO you!
Bets
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
Bets- Thanks - I just know I am not handling this in the way I want to, and I want to handle it better before I address it with him. As an addendum to my new plan, I have to leave the house tomorrow by 8am to get to the laundromat (washer is STILL broken), and then I'm going to lunch with my wisest and best friend M. So H will be home alone with the extremely loud small person who always wakes up early.
Natural consequences...but I'm not gonna say a word. Myrrh
One moment of patience may ward off great disaster. One moment of impatience may ruin a whole life.
Good plan. H IS the father of your son--so it's not babysitting. It's called parenting. And I hope to goodness I don't see any guilt coming from IL?
Okay, there's a little bit. Some part of me likes to be Supermom, and resists letting those two work things out between them - they have to duke it out sometime. (giggle at the thought of S laying H out with a punch from one tiny fist)
Thanks for the hug - it's sad when you actually look forward to going out to do laundry because it will be quiet time with no one bugging me except the clean clothes. LOL - I can't wait for lunch - I haven't been out with friends for almost a MONTH! (*slap* Bad llama!...sorry I am a real "Emperor's New Groove" fan) Hug back, Myrrh
One moment of patience may ward off great disaster. One moment of impatience may ruin a whole life.
Quote: it's sad when you actually look forward to going out to do laundry because it will be quiet time with no one bugging me except the clean clothes. LOL
This reminds me of a convo I had with Mr. Not-Always-Wonderful a couple years ago... I was trying to get him to see the importance of me getting some time away from the family.
His answer? You'll love it...
"Bets, you get to go to church and to the grocery store afterward. That is at least 3 hours of "me" time."
UGH! My sister almost fell off her chair laughing...
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
Hi, all! Haven't had time to post yet today -it's been a busy one. Well, I logged off of Everquest at about 11/11:30 last night, picked up in our bedroom somewhat, finished my Flylady before-bed routine, and put myself to bed! I did NOT call H after midnight (although I did call him before I went to bed to wish him good night and remind him that I'd be leaving in the morning -I did NOT mention him coming home or what time or anything). I did do my Flylady stuff, got everything ready to go to the laundromat today.
H told me yesterday (out of the blue - he hadn't said anything when I mentioned today's plans earlier in the week) that he was planning on going in to the shop at 10 this morning. I almost told him I would cancel, but I went ahead with my trip to the laundromat, even when he gave me a little guilt trip on the way out the door. This is another pattern I had forgotten that needed to change, and I think I'm doing nicely - letting him fulfill his responsibilities so I can fulfill mine. I did (this is so embarassing) about 15 loads of laundry - thank heaven for giant, 5-load capacity washers and dryers. I was only there for about 2 1/2 hours.
I didn't get to go to lunch, because my friend M got called into work, but hopefully she and I will hook back up at some point. It is a positive change for me to make dates with friends, so I'll keep working at that.
H came home about 1:45 last night, a little earlier than usual, and told me he had even had to go retrieve his cars license plates from the car he dragged over to a mechanic friends house to have it repaired. He also told me that the people that gave him a ride to do that asked him if he wanted to go out to the bars with them (not a usual thing for him, but still) and he turned them down to come home instead. Not being naggy worked last night.
I am a little scared of him maybe trying to test me by staying out ultra-late one night, and that will be VERY hard for me, so I am probably not in the clear for good hear, but very proud of myself nonetheless.
Day 2 of the current experiment is going well - he hung out here til almost 2pm, and then only left because the shop called and said he had some clients (piercings are a walk-in thing). So, he spent more time with me the day I didn't nag him. I'll just keep trying this for awhile and monitoring my results.
Hugs to all, Myrrh
One moment of patience may ward off great disaster. One moment of impatience may ruin a whole life.
