S19 and I go to counseling today. Want to discuss how he feels about sit. I am so busy now with my classes. It's all good. It's leading somewhere... Hopefully get into med assist program in Aug. Honestly, I'm counting on it.
M48 H50 M21 T26 S20 at college),S17,D15-cp, dev. delay- cogniv 5yrs old PA confirmed 7/2012 H separates 9/2012 H move home 2/13& 7/13 lasted 2weeks.ILYNILWY OW still in picture. h filed 10/13
Oh, be still my heart...Third day of flirty texts from H. coming over for dinner tonight. Fool me once , shame on you. fool me twice shame on me. We have been here before! Of course. I miss the physical too. I am so easy to allow him back. Need to reread what MWD says. I of course will stand on my head if he asks me too!
M48 H50 M21 T26 S20 at college),S17,D15-cp, dev. delay- cogniv 5yrs old PA confirmed 7/2012 H separates 9/2012 H move home 2/13& 7/13 lasted 2weeks.ILYNILWY OW still in picture. h filed 10/13
Nice dinner, nicebtime with kids. H misses me and us. I said we will have to talk. Hesvout of town next 2 days. Probably a good thing. Give me time to read and be smart. Would be son easy to just let h back in. We've been here before. Last time I thought all was well, it lasted2 weeks before he left again. What do I need to do differently this time
M48 H50 M21 T26 S20 at college),S17,D15-cp, dev. delay- cogniv 5yrs old PA confirmed 7/2012 H separates 9/2012 H move home 2/13& 7/13 lasted 2weeks.ILYNILWY OW still in picture. h filed 10/13
Well, first off, this is new. You were very angry with him only a 3-4 days ago. My first suggestion would be to slow down. I don't know what you all discussed the last time.
1. What are your boundaries? Example. In order for my H to live here, no OW, hands over phone records & passwords. If he does have contact, he must tell me. No lying. Helps with kuds, etc. all things I had figured out I needed for me.
2. Have you discussed him moving in, or are yomight king he might? My H and I discussed him moving back in for over a month, and he had started to show a completely different (nice & helpful) attitude towards me & was showing up when he said he would for the kids a month prior to us even discussing it. I think since you have done this before, taking it slow and really discussing things is very important.
How did him moving back last time happen? What were your boundaries then? Had you started your 180s?
M: 9 yrs T: 13 yrs H:34 Me:35, S4, D2, S 7 months Dday 11/12-PA & multiple PAs Dbing 12/12 S 1/13 7/13 H moved back in basement. 8/13 #3 born 10/13 still cheating 10/13 He moves across country, I file for D
we have had a good week. I have been busy with my class. for the most part flirty texts going back and forth. When he was here for dinner on Fri. came back to the bedroom. Had not done that in a while.I was getting out of the shower. not planned. I really didn't expect him so early. I had planned to be dressed and made up. After dinner got D to bed. He lingered. we hugged and kissed no more. I said we will need to talk. he says to me...ILY. He says he's sorry for the sadness he has brought me and our family.
I did ask him what was different this time around? His answer is that he wants us and he asks if I did too. He says he wants to give us many good days, weeks , years
My boundaries... he has to be done with OW. I have asked him in the past to not lie. I see no benefit in it. just please be honest. I deserve that. He agreed. I have asked him on a couple of occasions if he were with her. He said no. She is not local but they both work for an airline. so, what do I do? Get it in writing that he will stop all contact? Last time Feb. I asked him to delete her from his phone. At this point I didn't even know her name. He finally told me her name. He didn't want to initially asking why does it matter. I said it was because it was a secret kept from me.
Last time I didn't have him turn over phone passwords. I will this time before he can move back home.
We have not discussed moving back home. This is all just happening. I want to spend a lot of time today, tomorrow thinking about all of this.
He has noticed 180's...
M48 H50 M21 T26 S20 at college),S17,D15-cp, dev. delay- cogniv 5yrs old PA confirmed 7/2012 H separates 9/2012 H move home 2/13& 7/13 lasted 2weeks.ILYNILWY OW still in picture. h filed 10/13
On Memorial day, H told me he had seen an attorney. He said he wanted to do a collaborative D. Afterwards, I asked him to leave kids and I alone for a few days. Not what we wanted. needed to process. Told him I couldn't stop him if he filed, but thought D was not the answer. that it did not solve anything. I don't believe H wanted to D to be with OW.... All along I think he has been sad, confused. I have remained upbeat and positive except for the couple of times, after he told our boys, where I lost it. This was back in March. The 2nd time I lost it is when he took off his ring. He can't come back until his ring goes back on. I think it will. h will get back in town tonight. Plans for having lunch with kids tomorrow, movie with boys. I would like to have a date night soon where we can talk. I have no doubt that we will ML this week. We both have a strong physical attraction to each other. That is a good thing! I know my mistake from past... He places a higher priority on the physical than I did. I don't think H will want to do any MC. He would rather just us talk. I continue to see my IC. Need to see what the experts say about all this. in the meantime, I need to get to yoga
M48 H50 M21 T26 S20 at college),S17,D15-cp, dev. delay- cogniv 5yrs old PA confirmed 7/2012 H separates 9/2012 H move home 2/13& 7/13 lasted 2weeks.ILYNILWY OW still in picture. h filed 10/13
Willbwell, these are good news! Wow, he said ILY and wants the marriage. You need to take it very slow. I think it is very critical that you continue to GAL and 180s… Now, more than ever… I hope that vets pick up on your thread to guide you through.
M:50 H:52 S28 (my S from previous marriage) M:17 + 3 BD: 06/12 S: 06/12 - H works in another state
sloooow down...Need to tell this to H. It will be hard. I miss him and the physical too. He's been out of town. getting back right now. think he will come over here instead of going to his apt. He cant stay here yet. we have too much to discuss. Not fair to kids.
M48 H50 M21 T26 S20 at college),S17,D15-cp, dev. delay- cogniv 5yrs old PA confirmed 7/2012 H separates 9/2012 H move home 2/13& 7/13 lasted 2weeks.ILYNILWY OW still in picture. h filed 10/13
I would definately go very slow are far as him moving back in. The ILU was great! But, remember to still hold back, let his continued actions show if he is ready to commit. My H did the same thing in Jan, but then kept OW as a FB friend. Needless to say, I asked him to leave until he could truly cut off contact. That was me, though.
Still let him pursue. Think and discuss with IC about what would you need for him to do to rebuild trust. Biggest thing is SLOW!!!
M: 9 yrs T: 13 yrs H:34 Me:35, S4, D2, S 7 months Dday 11/12-PA & multiple PAs Dbing 12/12 S 1/13 7/13 H moved back in basement. 8/13 #3 born 10/13 still cheating 10/13 He moves across country, I file for D
H was here last night watching bball with boys. It was nice. Way it should be... We are having a date tomorrow. I do need to get some answers from him. I have not asked yet about OW, but I plan to. I don't want to bombard H with questions on our date. We do need to talk at some point though. Last time he came back home in Feb. all seemed great to me. He later told me(after he left again) that he had spoken with OW before coming back home. He had said he was still emotionally attached. He had also said that he had just been "going thru the motions" with us. I did ask him what was different about this time around. He said he wants us and asked if I did too.
M48 H50 M21 T26 S20 at college),S17,D15-cp, dev. delay- cogniv 5yrs old PA confirmed 7/2012 H separates 9/2012 H move home 2/13& 7/13 lasted 2weeks.ILYNILWY OW still in picture. h filed 10/13
