that will never ever happen in a gazillion years. you are their mom - mom's are the absolute "rock" in families. NO MATTER WHAT - kids "want" their mom's approval and love. It's sad but allllll around us- adults still trying like mad to get approval from their mom's.
do not worry about ow for that reason. at the end of the day i'd stake my life on fact that your kids will ALWAYS have resentment for h breaking up their family- and even if they are decent to ow or like her- SHE WILL NEVER EVER BE YOU or come close to occupying the place in their hearts that you do.
YOU CAN take that to the bank. if they are good hearted little people and they cut her slack- it's a better thing that having anger and hate. i cannot imagine little kids being burdened with hurt & fallout of their beloved parent's awful sitch. it may hurt to see them being "friends" with her- but think of the reverse.
my h had a ton of anger, hate -brainwashing - his dad's big fat "righteousness" and preaching to him about his mom's evilness & sin in breaking up the family, etc.- he's (in alot of ways) a really emotionally damaged person- from the bottom up. i think it was that huge dose of his dad's sadness, insecurity- anger- hate- "gotta hate was"kind of thing.
you'e giving your kids the gift of kindness and understanding here- let them be the people they are and shield them from the huge treasonous hurt your h has dumped on your head- they can't fix it either (just as we can't) but at least they're not being shackled with the lifelong resentment toward their father & ow and allllll that BAGGAGE.
know what i'm trying tosay here????- you are letting them be kindly little people- and not demanding they take up your burden. you sound like a great mom- i may just be a great aunt- but it's what we do. i find myself not even wanting to burden my 14 yr old neice with my own pain & the fallout - she's sensitive and i can see she feels badly if she thinks i'm lonely, etc. i'm workin hard to be even-handed. she does not need to take that on. Her parents have alot of their own "junk" gonig on too -
my sister & I at least are allowing her to know but not be really a part of it all (our own respective adult r problems) - as in: things happen in life and you deal with it. (i hope she gets a picture of women who don't let life's ups and downs shatter them).
her dad is spinning out of control with alcohol addiction- calls her, crys on her shoulder, she's 14 - has never even had a boyfriend , much less able to deal with a father whose going over some "brink".
try not to "notice" allll the details - and i sure know the giant confusion & PROBLEM of words and actions that don't match up. can you spell hypocracy??? your kids sound great- someday when they're adults they'll match up all the peices and make their own judgements. i don't think it can ever be "right" or "fair" for people to be so self-indulgent they hurt others around them. i guess it happens tho- ALOT- AND THE rest of us have to let it not touch our values & good hearts? your kids sound like they are kind & goodhearted - what more could you ask?
sounds like you're doing everything rite- don't worry about your kids loyalty- WE ALL LOVE OUR MOMS IN LIFE!!!!!!!
best of all.....(we're all just more close & famliar with her so she gets alot of the grief as well- but you are not making them jump thru any hoops for your love- areyou??? i think not. yay you..xxoo
