Clear goals and a vision for the future

[Lyrael]

Bets-
I know you're right - patience is the biggest virtue I'm lacking. I blew up at him some, meaning I was naggy and bitchy on the phone with him, and I have no idea how it happened. I think maybe I need to institue a "no phone calls after midnight" rule. I don't actually think he just won't show up (and really, so what if he doesn't?).

The real issue here is that I feel like he's not listening to me. This is just me being non-accepting of the PA behavior, because I know he's never going to come out and tell me - this is why I need this time every night to myself, and this is why I don't want to come home early. I really don't care when he comes home! I know where he is and what he's doing, and I should be in bed asleep during this time anyway.

We were talking after he got home last night (I was still a little miffed), and he said he should come home by 10 (my PA warning bells were absolutely CLANGING by that point in the convo), and I realized that I do value my time alone every night. I can do my Flylady routines, I can just hang out...and we do spend time playing EQ together every night. Nighttime is really the only time he can play without it interfering with his other responsibilities. This "fight" is realyl about me being afraid that he'll just disappear, and it's exacerbated by the fact that I'm having a hard time detaching, and that's what I HAVE to do, no matter what he decides to do.

Okay, so - new plan - no calls after midnight. No comments for at least the next 24 hours about him coming home, when he's coming home, etc. I will try my best to go to bed and just go to sleep! If he isn't there tomorrow when I wake up, we'll address that then.

In the meantime, I am going to keep up with my Flylady stuff, because he IS noticing and appreciating that. I am going to concentrate on getting things in order so that I can go back to school in the fall; I also need to do some work on my financial situation, because it's a mess.

I can do this!!!!
Myrrh