Looking to keep hope alive

[InnerStrength]

I would simply say that you mistook her motivation for the separation and if it is merely a precursor to divorce, then she needs to leave as the unhappy partner who wants to end the M.

You need to validate, detach, all that stuff, you can't be mean ever and that's what she expects, but in pretty much every situation I read where the H rolls over and doesn't stand up for himself, he ends up either divorced or having a realization and becoming more of a man before it is too late. She needs to respect you and you need to have self-respect for that to happen.

If you have this discussion your W will probably flip out, big time. You need to maintain control of yourself and keep DBing through that conversation. Do not let her suck you into that. But do not back down, either, or she'll just feel like she can control, manipulate and walk all over you.

(This is coming from the guy who for some time paid all the bills during live-in separation, and looked after the children while his wife went off for overnight stays with OM. That didn't help me at all, in case you were wondering!)