Not confused...looking inward

[BRNR]

Portia, just saw your post. Thank you for some clarity today. I have accepted things are what they are right now and may be that way forever. I have learned to realize that I over think a lot, on everything. Guess I need to learn to let go of things and not over analyze, but honestly, I like that about me for the most part so maybe I will just turn it down a degree and try to shut it completely off when it concerns the sitch.

I said I have accepted things, I truly do feel I have. I no longer try to hold onto things when it concerns H. Do these things bother me at times, yes, and then I start going all analytical.

Still processing a lot, but I do see that I no longer hate h. The man does sure know how to drive me crazy though. Hopefully one day he will see me, the wife he once cherished and adored. I do miss him a lot, and don't know that I will ever completely get over him. Despite everything that has happened, I know that I could fulfill his needs. This sitch taught me things about myself as a wife. I was a good wife, but I neglected my H's emotional needs, which was a detriment to the marriage. Will I ever get the chance to show him I see my problems and am trying to work through them and become better. At this time no, and unfortunately, some changes, will only be seen if we ever reconcile, which I don't have any hope for.

Not beating myself up, but this is true from my heart. I see myself changing and learning everyday....one day, I will make a great wife to someone, h or not. I just hope that there is someone out there for me too!