I've always like this song. Felt like using it for my new thread
Something I've learned so far on my trip is that love can take many forms. In this case, really loving my H has been to let him go. I continue to try to do that, each and every day. It's still hard.
Tomorrow is our company meeting, and I'm beginning to have some anxiety about it. I was feeling fine until today. Now I am feeling some stress.
I'm trying to pinpoint exactly WHY I'm feeling this way. I think there are several reasons...
- seeing them together hurts. Don't know if this will ever change - it's awkward. I feel like I have to avoid my own H, which is strange. I feel like approaching him to even say hi would be pursuit or could stir up drama. - although this has improved for me, part of me still feels embarrassed that they are glued to each others side for 100 of our coworkers to see. I feel like it is publicly dissing me - he is obviously choosing to be with her, not me.
So that's where I'm at. Just being honest.
Went to yoga tonight, helped to relieve some of my stress and calm me. Plus, got my arms all ready for my sleeveless dress tomorrow lol!
H wasn't in the best mood when he came home from work today. Said he was exhausted, and that he just wanted to get the next two days of work over with.
As I was getting ready to help S5 with his shower, he decides to hop on the treadmill. Definitely uncharacteristic of him for 8:00 at night.
Interestingly, he has been listening to "old" H music while on the treadmill. Even is singing along to some of the tunes
Also -
I had mentioned about going to the beach for our family vacation. The other day, an idea popped into my head.
Several years ago, H and I went to a city about four hours from here for our anniversary. It has a lot of cool stuff for families to do. So, I told H I thought of this and had sent away for info. He didn't have much of a reaction.
So tonight he comes upstairs after exercising. I ask him how his workout was - he says he's not done, just taking a break. He asks me what changed my mind about where we went for vacation. I said it was closer, had more things for the kids to do, and we may still be able to squeeze a day in at the beach.
He was nice and said, okay I was just curious. He's back on the treadmill now.
Going to do my best tomorrow. I feel in a much, much better mind frame than last year at this time, and also from back in early September.
Just looking over some of the vacation materials I sent away for. Figured this is a WAY better way to spend my time instead of worrying about ho ho ho bag
Bomb January 2012 - doesn't feel the same about me
~ "There is nothing love cannot face; there is no limit to its faith, hope, and endurance."
