Hi Val, I want to comment on "rest(ing) in the uncomfortable." When I feel this way I've been reminded to focus on myself. In my experience, I felt impatient and wanted to control the situation so that I had answers NOW!
So I went back to "focusing on myself." What do my feelings about this sitch say about me. I go back to my childhood and I'm reminded of how I was brought up and how my feelings towards all of this are connected to my past. I dig deep. By doing so I was able to learn more about myself and not just how I felt about my sitch with H but how these feelings are much the same in other situations unrelated to H (friends, family, work).
Continue to focus on yourself, as you are doing ;-) Carry on...
M 42 H 39 T10 (-2yrs separation) S8 D5 DD 7/30/11 (EA&PA) Reconciled 6/2013 Separation in works 1/2017