Bad Timing and Making a Mess of Things

[slow_it_down]

Feeling down today. Feeling like I can't concentrate and that thoughts of missing H are all consuming. I've been keeping busy in the weeks since my H left, setting goals for myself and trying to GAL but in the moments in between being busy my mind just races.

This past weekend I took a road trip with my guitar to practice by the water in a place I love. I'm still very new to playing but I always thought it would be nice to have someone playing guitar when hanging out and since no one I know plays I decided I'd have to learn myself. The day was lovely, sunny, I even took a boat tour on the river. Then I started bawling on the way home.

One minute I feel fine, confident and blessed and for many good things in life. The next I feel the pains of despair and like there just isn't enough air to breathe.

I was glowing with pride last night after cooking a healthy meal from scratch (I've always relied on Mr. Microwave for all cooking so this is a 180 in the works for me). Then today I felt tears forming in my eyes over lunch when talking to co-workers about my cooking achievement when one unknowing of my sitch asked "did your husband like what you cooked?"

Anyone have any good tricks for taking their mind off things when your mind begins to race? I don't feel anger towards him. I don't feel any desperate urge to reach out or contact him. I just feel sadness.