Success stories of SSM

[ssmguy]

We have affection, but not sex. And I'm having sex, but not with my wife.

Yes, my wife should be doing the deed. I've told her I think so. But she doesn't see the need and doesn't have the desire.

[MrBond]

That [censored].

[ssmguy]

Wish I knew what the missing word was! If you're trying to express sympathy or if you just don't buy it.

[MrBond]

The word was s"u"x.

I feel bad for you.

[ssmguy]

With regard to feeling so "in tune", as you wrote in the other thread, with someone through sex and exploring someone physically, mentally and emotionally, how do you think it would have affected your experience if your wife never had an orgasm and never let you touch her in a way that might help her have one?

When I was a teenager with no sexual experience, I had very romantic notions of what it would be like to share intense physical erotic feelings in a context of being very much in love. The reality, at least for me, has come up short of that notion. Perhaps I'm a bit like a color-blind man who's never heard of color blindness. I know something is off, but I'm not sure what I'm missing or how much. I usually experienced sex with my wife as only me having intense erotic feelings, and my wife only observing and accommodating at best.

[MrBond]

"how do you think it would have affected your experience if your wife never had an orgasm"

Even when dating? It would have made me feel invalidated as a man as if I couldn't satisfy her.

"and never let you touch her in a way that might help her have one?"

Then that's all on her and she hasn't ever taken time to explore her own body. Again, she doesn't know what she's missing out on and she's being incredibly selfish for not acknowledging that important part of YOUR life. I'm sure you accommodate MANY things that are important to her and she won't do it for you based on her own personal pride and insecurities.

I know many women who have acted and believed the way your wife does. Once they were opened to the incredible possibilities and actually took the leap to do it, they had amazing sex lives with their spouses.

"I know something is off, but I'm not sure what I'm missing or how much."

You are missing out on true happiness.

"I usually experienced sex with my wife as only me having intense erotic feelings, and my wife only observing and accommodating at best."

Sounds like you're the giver and she's the taker.

[DaddyLongShanks]

We have affection, but not sex. And I'm having sex, but not with my wife.

Yes, my wife should be doing the deed. I've told her I think so. But she doesn't see the need and doesn't have the desire.

Glad your having sex. It's been long enough, and you have made a significant effort to bridge the gap.

[ssmguy]

Yeah, well, solo sex is sex too. Leaving me with plausible deniability. ;-)

[ssmguy]

"how do you think it would have affected your experience if your wife never had an orgasm"

Even when dating? It would have made me feel invalidated as a man as if I couldn't satisfy her.

Even when dating?? LOL I guess that happens for some people -- the hottest sex and orgasms are BEFORE marriage. Well, not in this case. No orgasms ever. You see, I believed the crap in the sex advice books, which said that women reach their peak later than men, when the women are more comfortable with their bodies etc. So I figured that patience was the best approach, and to not pressure her about orgasms. Well, rather than becoming more comfortable with things, she became even less comfortable and less interested as time went on.

[MrBond]

"Even when dating?? "

Yes.

"You see, I believed the crap in the sex advice books, which said that women reach their peak later than men, when the women are more comfortable with their bodies etc. "

I've seen this to be true. This depends on the women though. It's not all crap.