You know I have your back - and that we feel things in a very similar way.
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Am I being silly?
The only thing this man has not done is file for the divorce. That does not give me any hope that he would want to reconcile. I am starting to feel that I am the back up plan should things not work out with OW. I don't want to be that!
What am I holding onto? My love for him? That does not a marriage make. Am I indeed being taken for the fool here?
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Not sure I am analyzing him, more so trying to justify the overall sitch and what MY next step should be.
I feel the same. At what point do I accept the facts as they are right now and go on as if he is not coming back or go on my own direction because I believe he is not coming back. ( I hope that made sense) I think those two things are different.
We have to accept reality as it is right now. The FACTS for you: your H is living in his own apartment, seeing an OW, barely contacting the kids and seems can hardly be civil to you.
The other fact is: things change. Sometimes in a heartbeat.
What I have found is that when I focus on me - not long term plans, but what is it I need to do for me today? - it helps. What would I be doing if he really was not coming back? I try not to concentrate on feelings but what would I be doing - action. I am not ready to date, so I would not be looking for a relationship. My spare room needs cleaning, so I will do that.
If there was some chant that I could do for you, B, I would. But that is the most humbling thing of all - just like a force of nature, there is nothing you can do to him or with him to make him come back.
You are not a fool at all. Your are someone who was left reeling for solid ground after an explosion. There is nothing wrong with keeping your boundaries and acting with kindness even if he cannot manage it.
