Hang in there Left Coast, These times in our lives right now are by far the most difficult things to deal with next to the death of someone close. I find myself searching for answers as to why a W could be so unhappy in their M that divorce is the only option. And what makes them totally give up.
Yes, this has been a bit of a double whammy for me, as I lost my father a few weeks for the BD. Although losing his was a surprise and shock, I still knew that I would lose him someday. I never thought I would lose my W. As long as I live, I will never understand the mentality of somebody who chooses D, especially when the other partner is willing to work on the M.
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I compare it somewhat to this: No one likes to be told to just get on with your life, or just get over it. What would we say to someone who said something like that if we had lost one of our children in a car crash or the death of a close friend. My guess is if your like I am, i wouldn't have very kind words for someone offering advice like that.
Exactly. I think the past week or so is the first time I've felt anger since the BD. My T, who is a big believer in marriage, solutions-based therapy, and interested in the DB books, says I blame myself and am too hard myself for too much. Not just in my M, but in all aspects of my life. So I don't think I'm being unreasonable with my feelings right now.
And, as angry as I am, I could let it all go and make a sincere effort to work on our M if my W could too.
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I can tell you the amount of insight I have gained over what doesn't work is invaluable. But it is very hard when you cannot see immediate results. I struggle every day with finding patience.
I know exactly what you mean.
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Granted, getting a life will help immensely with that but that fact of the matter is, we are all hurting and scared and its just nice to know there are many of us willing to offer support and advice in a meanigful manner.
Sorry if i got a bit long in my post, but i can offer you kind words of encouragement from time to time.
Believe me, it helps.
Stay strong.
I am trying (and succeeding) in GAL. I guess I was just hoping it wouldn't get to this point. Thank you so much for the kind words and thoughts.
