I don't necessarily feel that any one person here is more qualified to give advice. We can get good advice from someone who has posted only 4 or 5 times just as much as we can get good advice from someone who is labeled a vet. I think maybe it is the advice that best fits our sitch that we can choose to follow.
These times in our lives right now are by far the most difficult things to deal with next to the death of someone close. I find myself searching for answers as to why a W could be so unhappy in their M that divorce is the only option. And what makes them totally give up.
There is definitely a grieving process to go through and some of us just want to hear that things will get better. Whether it is with your current W or not, we can all make things better for us.
I compare it somewhat to this: No one likes to be told to just get on with your life, or just get over it. What would we say to someone who said something like that if we had lost one of our children in a car crash or the death of a close friend. My guess is if your like I am, i wouldn't have very kind words for someone offering advice like that.
We are all here for basically the same reason, and that is the DB/DR books most of us have or should have read. I can tell you the amount of insight I have gained over what doesn't work is invaluable. But it is very hard when you cannot see immediate results. I struggle every day with finding patience.
Some of us read DB/DR books and can implement the actions immediately, some of us struggle with backsliding. It is much nicer to hear words of encouragement or just to have someone telling you that you can accomplish this without being condescending or claiming to be an expert. None of us are experts on this because if we were, then every person here would have their marriage saved. It is called Divorce Busting for a reason. There are plenty of self help books out there that can teach us to become a better person, but all of us are here for the same reason and that is to avoid divorce.
Granted, getting a life will help immensely with that but that fact of the matter is, we are all hurting and scared and its just nice to know there are many of us willing to offer support and advice in a meanigful manner.
Sorry if i got a bit long in my post, but i can offer you kind words of encouragement from time to time.
Believe me, it helps.
Stay strong.
Me: 41 W: 36 M:9 yrs Together: 12 yrs Kids S7 S4 BD: 01/13 W filed 5/13 D final 8/13
