Still working Alanon during the week through my temporary sponsor. Started to listen to the 4 agreements. Basically I am at "impeccable word", "don't take things personally", "don't make assumptions". Good stuff but was reminded that I can't achieve this stuff alone. All good.
Ride home from work and my W rang my cell. She need me to get home for son so she could goto my mothers to help her with dinner (breast cancer recovery)
So I got home and made dinner for S. Got some 1:1 time with him. He is into rollerblading now so I just watched him blade in the garage (raining)
W came home with daughter and I suprised D4 with her own pair of blades. She has to have whatever older S has. Found some used ones on consignment. Perfect..On ride home W txt me if I ate. (it was late). I hadn't so I offered to have takeout ready for her for when she got back. She agreed.
I put the kids to bed as usual. I came down around 930 and watched Americas got talent in same room as W. After show done she was keeping to herself so I cashed out and went to bed.
She also txt'd me on Monday asking if there was anything I even needed for fathers day. So I simply replied back with a few ideas.
That is all for today. Looking forward to tomorrow. Thursdays are sort of my day with Alanon and Open Mic
Thanks KD. I feel better since agreeing to the 12 steps and agreeing to accept a higher power is responsible for my destiny.
T2. Sponsor just reminded me I can't be "impeccable, stop taking things personally, and assumptions" without help of higher power. I can't do this stuff alone. Read until your blue in the face but you need help. I finally understand this
Just bringing your post from wfm's thread to answer you here:
Originally Posted By: PowerOfNow
I just read your questionairre on CoD. Ironically it seems my W is codependent. Now how the F does that work. Codependent with a Codependent. Both ACOA. Geeze
Actually, it's not odd for couples to become contextually co-D.
Remember, that your ACOA can create a tendency for you to be co-D, although that's a cycle that you can break. Perhaps you weren't even really co-D, except in context with your W.
Again, remember that co-D is a learned behaviour. That's why people can become co-D, even if they normally are not.
And, your W may have been otherwise co-D, and again, in the context of the M, developed co-D behaviours with you.
Remember, this is not a "wrong" thing. I want to say it's not a "bad" thing. It's not. But it IS potentially harmful and destructive to relationships.
By YOU changing your behaviours and removing any co-D traits by working on your positive growth, this will ensure that you keep yourself from engaging in co-D relationships again. Either your own co-D or that of a partner.
Makes complete sense. One thing that is very frustrating from a hubby perspective is she expects me to mind read. If she is hurt or something bothers her she will not state it or if she does weeks later after festering. She doesn't this to avoid conflict. She also will NOT ask for help ever.
Yes I will be actively working on all of this through higher power and alanon. Unfortunately it will take some time. 6 months to a year and then life long after that
KD... you said this earlier, can you explain further please?
//What you are getting with the silent treatment is somewhat like wfm. And it's frustrating as all h e double hockey sticks.//
Thanks, wfm
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
Well, you COULD be mind reading that she expects you to mind read...
That said, co-D people do have a tendency to expect people to mind read. Co-D has an external frame of reference, so there's a tendency for co-D people to not realize that others can not read their thoughts, like they assume they can. Oddly enough, it's actually a covert control issue combined with magical thinking.
Yes, people have intuitive abilities. Those are actually a combination of acute sense awareness combined with pattern recognition. But co-D sees it from a more "magical" sense of "I just know what people are thinking".
Yes last BD she said "you should have known what you said was wrong and it would have bothered me, the fact that you didn't is why I am where I am again"
I was like you want me to guess your feelings? But at this point it was to late. she festered on it and here I am again
