Well, folks, I am throwing myself a little party.
H brought over the big king-size bed at about 6 tonight. I said before I wasn't really sure what was up with that, since he wanted a legal car before he moved back in. So now he is sleeping on the crappy double bed he used to use as an excuse not to stay over (ugh - couldn't help that little tiny bit of negative from slipping in).
We hung out - I made us all pizza and we ate that and watched TV. I helped H unload the big bed, and we all laid on it and let S crawl around on it (and us) for a little while. Before I knew it, it was 8pm - S's bedtime. So I put him in bed (again unsure what would happen with H after S went to bed).
We laid on the new bed, and I rubbed H's head for awhile (he loves this, and it's like squeezing one of those stress-relief balls for me - I use head-rubbing like you would use a worry stone.) Then we started snuggling and talking about the possible new house - we talked about both possibilities - the financing not coming through, and what we would do if that happened (very positive, upbeat planning - very fun), and then we talked about what we would do to the house if we got it - what furniture it needed, what we'd do to remodel the attic/basement, how insanely expensive it was going to be to buy curtains for the numerous and HUGE windows-it was so much fun to talk about that stuff. We haven't done a lot of dreaming together about the future - I guess because it used to always seem so uncertain for us.
He kissed me quite a few times, said ILY spontaneously and just did sweet things like touching my face and hugging me. Then that moved into - it has been a bit for that, as he has said that he didn't like doing that and having to leave afterward (see, I would just move back in, rather than cutting down on the ).
I was going to go to Walmart to get a set of sheets for the bed, but it was around 11 and I was really tired. Since I had to be at work in the morning at 9, I said I needed to head to bed and would just pick up sheets tomorrow. I wasn't sure what he would od at this point, and normally I would throw a fit at him not making any moves to say. BUT I DIDN'T. I helped him get the old bed into the truck he borrowed (another reason he kind of had to go back, I guess), and gave him hugs. He said ILY again, and told me my hair looked really cute - I got about 6-7 inches cut off on Monday. He doesn't usually do spontaneous compliments, and that made me feel really good.
I just let him leave. I didn't start a fight about him not staying, or even trying to stay. I just hugged him, told him I loved him, too, and he asked me to call him tomorrow. I also thanked him fo rgetting the bed over here and taking care of a couple of bills.

I could've been a little more Bob at some points, but I think the worst thing I projected was confusion rather than anger or irritation. I just enjoyed being in his arms, and hearing him talk about us together. And it all felt really right - having him here with us, and being close to him. It was okay. I don't know when he'll start officially living here - his schedule is really odd right now - he is staying up very late at night and sleeping only 4-5 hours. The way he isn't sleeping is the only sign of unhappiness I've seen about his current living sitch, and that wacky sleep schedule is, I think, part of why he left - he just wasn't tired yet, and the internet connection at the shop is better (Everquest is his answer to insomnia ). We'll probably have to upgrade from dialup when he really gets back here.
I think we are gonna be okay - I am alright taking this slow, and I have newly realized that I do want him to come home very much. I just need to trust that the changes I am working on are for real, and that I can keep progressing in all areas even with him living at home.
I will update as events progress!
Hugs (I am gonna go snuggle up in my new HUGE bed!)
Myrrh

One moment of patience may ward off great disaster. One moment of impatience may ruin a whole life.